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I wish sleep would find me this morning but after three massive anxiety attacks to the point I thought my heart was going to rip straight out of my chest.
I have had several of them since I have ben up here dealing with all of this. I just keep telling myself just 20 more days and Alex will be with me for a week.And that will be one week wehere I will not have to worry about him.
I know I worry to much, but being a parent I always worry. Every time I come up here and then have to leave I feel like I am having my heart ripped out. And usually end up cryin the entire way home. This time it should be as bad as I know it will only be a short time that we are apart and then court again 20 days after he goes home and then 2 more months and he is down for 2 months.
Today I am supposed to go and pick him up, being his asshole father couldnt be civil I can have him for a 1/2 hour. He expected me to come to his house and come in and watch a movie with him or play a game. That is not going to happen because I just know something will happen being his psycho girlfriend can't mind her own business. We are supposed to go to mcdonalds or something, but I just have this feeling that there is going to be a scene and I don't want Alex to have to go through any more bullshit.
I will there for call him and talk to him for a bit as he knows that he will have me all to himself when he comes down for spring break. I am going to make him soem of his favorite candies and things for when he comes down.
I find myself reciting the serenity prayer over and over again the last few days.
*hugs* my friend. Keep strong for Alex and for yourself. I know you can xxx
21:11 Mar 26 2011 Times Read: 871
It's so hard not to have feelings of hate towards people that have done us wrong. Even more so when they do things are are directly effecting their children. Regardless ofd how long I was with my ex- i guess i really didnt know him as well as I thought I did.
The fact that he puts the pyscho path before his own child disgusts me.
Now on to this woman- she is still married. What a great way to teach your child that its ok to live and sleep with another woman that is married, and then lie about it over and over again. Or the fact that she is collecting welfare and not stating that my ex brings home close to 1000 a week and they live together. Defrauding ther system, it makes me sick. Or the fact that her own daughter had to beg her to come and see her after not seeing her for two months. Adding into her getting arrested fro tresspassing and burglary two weeks ago. No decent parents would want their child around that type of person.
you are looking at this all wrong dear, them fu**ing up is the best thing that could have happened, now they have no legg to stand on and finally things will go your way for a change :)
For letting their grow up in that kind of environment surrounded by that kind of people! It jus negative and WILL be a horrible influence.
Whats wrong with this man!
argh!!
*chew up the journal angrily and stomps out*
04:27 Mar 24 2011 Times Read: 889
My patience is running very thin. I was adviced that my ex's new psycho was arrested for trespassing and breaking ad entering. During this time they had my son. I am trying to find out for sure 100% if alex was there when they were arrested. I dont have the same police contact I used to. They say give people enough ropes to hang them selves with well I have given then a few hundred feet of rope. Hell have no fury like a pissed off mother trying to protect her children. I just need to confirm whether alex was there or not when they were arrested and if he was heads will be rolling and this will change everything...........if anyone has any ideas please let me know- I have already emaild my lawyer with the info I was given.
Not more then 10 minutes after the oleman joking says "don't kill anyone while I am home", my best friend calls and tells me that that our other long time friend's father passed away last night. I was supposed to head home today - but due to the current weather conditions- I guess I was meant to stay a few more days. Waiting to see when the calling hours are going to be. The 3 of us have all lost one of our parents over the last few years so we all lean on each other. We are strong on our own but stronger together. RIP Warren- You will be missed by all of your children.
Wow News just said Elizabeth Taylor died today...0.o I loved her in National Velvet & Cleopatra
Cleopatra 1963 with Rex Harrison and Richard Burton and Roddy McDowell and its whole cast was freaking awesome - one of my very favorites
06:28 Mar 16 2011 Times Read: 943
When people tell lies, do they first convince themselves in order to convince others? Or is it by convincing others they convince themselves in the process? It's very amusing that those who condemn others for their actions believe it's different if they are the ones doing the things they condemn others for.
Thats so true about liars. I think its a mix of both actually.
People can be so self-centered they don't see things from anyone else's perspective especially when they are finding faults. I work with someone who can bitch and moan all day about other people in the workplace but she never seems to see that she can be exactly the same as the folk she is ranting about.
For some people, it is nothing more than a means to an end sugar- they don't need to convince themselves of anything, they just are willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want. So they lie, and do whatever they want, and never even think twice about it.
I think of it as "Small brains need small things to make themselves feel important" and well do whatever it takes to sadisfy their needs.
03:03 Mar 16 2011 Times Read: 960
Oh yes how lovely it was to be in this godforsaking state in this corrupt and injustice county in NY.
Only in NY can a convicted drunk charged with endangering the welfare of a child -his own mind mind. Fail multiple drug tests, get to remain to be able to have unsuperviced visitations with his son.
Yet me the mother who has been screwed from the word go continued to get screwed after doing everything that was asked of me and yet still be denied her child = exept for over easter break and then back to court again after that visit to see if i can have him for the summer.
My 14 year old son told his law guardian that he wanted to come down to TN for Easter and then come down from July 1st - August 21. The judge said that no he wouldnt agree to it.
He then asked his father how he was doing and he sad he was doing fine. The law guardian then stood up ad stated that he was adviced the father had recieved a dwi in 08/09 and then another drinking altercation on 1/24/10. He the stated that they want me to take a drug test. I said no problem, but he will need to take one as well. The judge said fine Mr Nottingham will be required to take a test as well. I went up to take the test- passed it of course and then came back down and was adviced i was free to go. His father just walked out never took the drug test.
The judge then went on to say in court that nothing we could show him would prove that I have a disability and he refused to even look at the documented proof from the SSI hearing showing i have a disability. He stated that there was no reason for me to move to TN.
He stated that I abandoned my son.
My parents did nothing ----I am so sick of all of this bullshit
That sucks. I mother should have the right to spend time with her child.
02:06 Mar 15 2011 Times Read: 972
Tomorrow is the big day.... I am filled with a ton of anxiety I doubt I will even sleep soundly at all tonight.
I have everything in order. I am hoping for the best and am prepared for the worst. It will be the first leg of this trial and for all puposes the ball is in my court. But I am still expecting my ex to pull something out of left field tomarrow, and of course he is bringing his skank with him.
But i know that even though my support system will not all be with me the ones that are far away will be with me in thought. My best friend is going to be there along with a few others.
Even though I am great amounts of pain tonight I take nothing because of the drug test even thoughthese meds are prescribed by my doctor the judge would use that against me.
I have to be at the court house at 9 am but the court date isnt until 10 am.
I am off to bed here shortly so I can atleast try and get a good nights sleep.
Fingers Crossed ,GOOD LUCK SWEETIE ,I,m Pulling for ya.
00:16 Mar 14 2011 Times Read: 991
What an adventure this has been... Left Thursday afternoon and all was great until I hit Cleveland Friday morning. All destinations north were delayed as there was a massive snow storm.... took us 4 hours to drive 50 miles to ashtabula ohio, we stopped at the mcdonalds to pick up other trav els and the driver got the bust stuck in a the parking lot -- he called for help and they said it would 3- 4 hours before they could get to us. While waiting for a tow truck there was a massive accident which blocked all traffic on the thruway -- so again no one could get to us... then a semi got stuck on the maoin road we were on and no one could get past him to get to us.
There was a hearing impaired woman on the bus that asked to use my phone to text her friend that was waiting for her in erie pa stop at this point no one in erie had any idea where we were because the driver never called to let him know--- so being i was texting with the womans friend in erie erie called my phone and asked what had happened so i told him and he said to have the driver call him as they had 23 passangers waiting in erie to get on our bus to head to buffalo.
We finally got out of there at around 530 got to erie at 630 arrived in buffalo at 830. At this point we had been asking what was going to happen to us that were going on past buffalo being we had since missed our connections out of buffalo. we were told we had to wait to we go to buffalo. At this point i called my friend and she was coming to buffalo to get me. % minutes before pulling into buffalo they annouce that any one going to rochester and beyond to stay on the bus........... People were pissed off.......... we all go in to complain and want refunds--- we are told there is nothing greyhound can do for us.
I am livid at this point. I hurt like hell and cant take anything for pain due to the court appearnce.
I get to my friends house and then the next day went to spend time with alex -- as his father had not brought him back yet---- he was supposed to be back at 4pm he doesnt shopw up until 6 and he shows up with thed skank --- 5 minutes before they get there my step monster informs me that we are havinga meeting with all of us... they came up with the idea that i can have alex for easter vacation and the summer-- i ask when 9in the summer and they said after he gets out up until a few weeks before school starts in september........ umm well school does get out until june 23 ands then having hihm back a few weeks before school starts would be all of about a month... now mind you we all have attornys and nothing ius supposed to be discussed infront of alex or with out the lawyers.
But mike and his skank come in and they all said that they feel that would be just fine........... wtf......... I will be on the phone with my lawyer tomarrow.......... i expected bullshit i didnt think i was going to be put against a wall.
so ya i am not avery happy person whats so ever. I did get to spend all day with alex today playing wii it was nice-- i got back and spend thursday friday and saturday with him.
*HUGS* glad you had a nice time with Alex when you got to see him. Hoping all this crap can get sorted out for you x
22:37 Mar 04 2011 Times Read: 1,008
I talked to my Dad today and he told me that they had to put my horse down today. She went down out in the pasture today and wasn't getting back up. They went out to try and get her back up with her daughter Scarlett nudging her and running in circles around her, she wasn't getting back up.
My Dad went and called the vet and he came down and put her to sleep. She was 36 years old.
She had a long life and a good life. She was very much loved and I had many enjoyable years with her.
My Dad is having her buried in the back 40 with the others horses we have had over the years. I am sad for Scarlett, as she has never been with out her. Dad said Scarlett was out there just standing over her and wouldnt leave her side. It's heartbreaking.
I'd love nothing more to have a new foal it would heal this girls heart, that's for sure. perhaps i can find a local rescue around here when i get back from NY.
COMMENTS
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xxEmaeraldxx
13:06 Mar 27 2011
That is not good... Look after yourself. Bless x
Sulks
15:31 Apr 09 2011
*hugs* my friend. Keep strong for Alex and for yourself. I know you can xxx