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7 entries this month
Cancer is Q21:25 Nov 29 2007
Times Read: 810
V and I sat down to write out a list of levels that cancer could use for his science fiction section of the Dark Network.
I came up with Q is the highest level, namely Cancer. He is all powerful but sometimes things he does it frustrating but all for the greater good. LOL
FROM: Cancer
Someone else suggested that too.. But I think I am going to keep The Prince for all Dark Network sites...
AWWWW SHUCKS!!! :)
The Meaning of Christmas.......for me.19:13 Nov 29 2007
Times Read: 812
As Christmas comes closer, I look back on previous Christmas’. While growing up, Christmas was a big deal. My mother had the right idea of Christmas. Not only would the whole house be decorated but it was the spirit of Christmas itself that I learned. As we decorated, Mom and I would talking about different things and especially what to get different people in the family. From her, I learned to listen to their heart’s desires or to watch to see what they were lacking. Mom taught me that the joy of giving a gift, is to see the look on their face, that someone listened or heard what they really wanted.
Here's an example. My mother gave me the love of reading and I have had friends make comments to me, how cheap I was to send Mom books from the series that her and I both enjoy. Having MS, one of the ways to ignore the pain is to delve into a historical romance, or a futuristic cop drama. I know I gave her great joy in sending her about 9 books out of that series, but others don’t understand.
In my first marriage, I got a taste of what it is like to be a Catholic and go through Christmas. Christmas eve we would go to Mass. Yes, it was a lot of up and down, sitting and standing. The worst time is when everyone would file out of the pews for communion and I was sitting there like a bump on a log. For 6 years, I dealt with his family that didn’t know the meaning of Christmas. They were mean vicious people, who would sit there and continue to criticize me, with their gifts and comments. My husband at the time, didn’t like to be with my family, because he felt out of place. So, for those 6 years Christmas was hell. I was glad to be out of it.
On to my second marriage. Where there was no Christmas. This husband lost his younger sister between Christmas and New Years. So, during that time he gets depressed. A deep depression that is unreachable by anyone but close family that can share the pain and they shared that pain, year round. So, I was very lonely during Christmas. They never let Megan’s memory out. My mother and I tried, to find out more about her, to learn more about her, but they stayed in their mourning for years. Please don’t think I’m callous, but my belief is simply to remember those who leave. To talk about them, the memory of them. To remember that part of them, not that they are dead and not with me. Anyways, when I moved from NY to WV, Mom had given me all of her Christmas decorations. Since she was moving to my grandparents house in FL, she figured I would love and use her decorations. I tried. But this husband refused to find the joy in Christmas. The first Christmas I put up a string of lights and some of the things on the walls. He came in pissed that I insisted on “defiling Megan’s memory.” He unplugged the lights and we went up to bed. When we would come down in the morning, the thermostat was turned all the way down and the lights were on. This happen three times and this husband got pissed, thinking it was me and started tearing things off the wall. When he approached the lights, I asked him if Megan liked Christmas. It stopped him like I had shot him. He looked at me and whispered threateningly, “How dare you ask that?” I told him that considering Megan died in the living room where we were standing, I would like to know. Considering someone keeps turning down the heat in this room, I would like to know. Considering someone wants those lights lit and it not me sneaking down in the middle of the night to plug them in, I would like to know. He allowed the lights to stay, but only the lights, as he admitted that Megan loved Christmas. But as the years went on, I gave up putting anything up. Our Christmas turned into having walmart bags thrown at me in the morning with a “Merry Christmas.” It sucked and I missed the Christmas of my youth.
Now, I have the chance. A new beginning. Josh seems to have the same joy in Christmas that I remember having in my youth. He hasn’t asked me for a list to fill out and throw in a bag. He is hiding things, shopping on his lunch hour and willing to wrap presents. We are talking about getting a tree and have just went through our meager Christmas decorations that he still had after his divorce. I long for my mother’s boxes of Christmas decorations that are still in WV. But as I told V, its time we started our own collection. Our own traditions. I told him I loved decorating while listening to Christmas music. He ran upstairs and came down with CD after CD of Christmas music for me to choose from. He opened his Movie Cabinet and showed all the Christmas movies that he had.
For the first time, in a long time, I am starting to look forward to Christmas. I have met a guy that chooses presents by what he thinks will make me smile and giggle. I know this from one other Christmas that we spent 3000 miles apart. He sent me several presents but one that touched me deeply. It was a rough year and to eat and pay bills, I had to sell things off. One of them, was the Disney collection that I had collected since I was 12. It tore at my heart, but between that and having heat and food. It was a sacrifice that I made, that my husband didn’t understand. V, this person I had never met, this person who was becoming a close personal friend online, sent me one gift. He sent me Darby O’Gill (One of Sean Connery's first films) and the little people. One of the first Disney’s that I had collected and it was rare. I sat there balling on the phone as I opened it. My husband didn’t understand why I was crying over a simple DVD. Which showed he didn’t understand me at all.
So, thank you V for giving me hope that this will be a very special Christmas. For showing me that there is someone out there that knows the true meaning of Christmas, which is giving joy. Whether it is by a present, or by just a gesture. It’s the giving that Christmas is about. Thank you baby. I love you.
Surprising responses, to a "Thank you for your time," sent to friends.21:54 Nov 27 2007
Times Read: 823
A simple phrase...and a link to my journal (wise things) netting the following results. I'm honored at the words they said.
QueenMorbid:
awwwwwww, that was beautiful. I was bawling like a baby while reading it and all I could think of was to thank my best friends in the world for their time and for being there for me and for loving me as I am ..thank you SIS! FOR EVERYTHING! I treasure every moment of it whether we are laughing, fighting, crying, or loving.
Queenmorbid journal entry:
Think Everyone Needs To Read This. It's Beautiful
11:44:49 - Nov 27 2007
Times Read: 4
If this doesn't make you cry and think, then you have a heart of stone. This woman has more depth and feeling than most know, or bother to see past. If you are a friend of hers, then you are a very lucky person.
Chordewa's Journal Entry
Nightgame:
There are not enough good words to thank you for your time and the love and care you shower everyone you know or care about, my friend.
The kids in your coven know there is a safe place and people who care about them there. Even the rest of us adults there enjoy the atmosphere you have provided.
Love ya sugar
Connie
LadyKrystalynDarkstar:
That's really awesome.
RedQueen:
That's beautiful honey- you write so very well....I'm very proud of you for everything you do here, and for everything you have done for me.
CelestiaNocturne:
Jayme,
Thank you so much for you kind words....something I really needed to see when my life is partially upside down.
Nikki
Vampirewitch39:
Thank You CHORDEWA
15:29:33 - Nov 27 2007
Times Read: 15
Sorry- forgot I was out of lurking this morning. Yeah.. I know- Who? Me?? :) But no one I knew was online, so I felt brave. Now wait.. that sounds bad. I mean no one that would pester me. Not that people.... oh screw it. You know what I mean. Or I hope you do.
So I will answer messages in the morning because I am not in the mood to be around anyone. Trust me on this. But I had to see what CHORDEWA sent me as she is a friend, and I did not want her to be in trouble and just blow her off.
Instead I find something that makes my day better.
Thank you for your time as well.
*hugs*
Luvs you Owl.
Now I am off to bed.
Gem from Vampbox09:32 Nov 10 2007
Times Read: 861
ToiletDuc:
00:56:13 - Nov 10 2007
Advice of the day.... always wash your hands in between handling chili peppers and giving the boys a good readjustment and scratch.
For Vlkodlak21:52 Nov 01 2007
Times Read: 897
Bless The Broken Road
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In my life I have gone through several marriages and felt at one time, I wasn’t meant to be happy. But I come to realize that, if I didn’t have those experiences in my past, I wouldn’t know the jewel that walked into my life now. Others broke my heart, but it helped me realized what I wanted in my life, from my life partner, from the man I want to spend my life with. I wanted someone supportive. I wanted someone that cared and loved me for the woman that I was and for what I could give in the relationship. I wanted a man that would flirt with me, hold my hand, caress my face and not be afraid to cuddle with me in front of his friends. I wanted a man that would look into my eyes and tell me that I was his world. Then I found you.
I have that guy, that trusts me as his best friend. That takes me in his arms and kisses me passionately. I have the guy that dirty dances in the kitchen with me to no music or that lays on the couch with me listening to soft jazz as we talk about everything and nothing.
Please understand that you are a dream come true and that is a scary thought. I have gone through a lot in my life and sometimes the fear of the past comes up to choke me. The fear of being rejected, of being thrown away. The fear of being replaced or of just not being good enough. Its part of my past, training as we call it. I have been hurt enough and I couldn’t bare to be without you.
But its because I have never met a guy like you, one that is so supportive, who is my best friend. I have never loved someone so completely before you and it scares me to think of life without you. I love you baby. I love you with all my heart. Forever and for always.
Rascal Flatts Bless The Broken Road lyrics
I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love, along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
wipe my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign, pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes he did
I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true
Every long lost dream, led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yeah
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lovers arms
This much I know, is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Hello November
21:32 Nov 01 2007
Times Read: 902
PRIVATE ENTRY
04:25 Nov 01 2007
Times Read: 831
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