Me and one of my ex boyfriends (who is an unbelievable bastard) were living in the same house once more, together, and some-what happy. For some reason we were living in the house I grew up in. His mom and Step dady were both there too. Im not really sure how it came about but there was this girl. I could never quite make out here face. All I know if she was young, like...14-15. And my ex boy friend whos 25...I think...Had an interest in her. Most of the dream was me threating to send him to jail, threatening her with what ever I could.
At some point in the dream they decided to elope to another country. I siced some friends of mine on them, track them down and confronted them, smacking him over and over saying "what the hell is wrong with you? she's a child!" Then everything slowed, down almost to a halt. I looked over and she was...me. Me when I was 14-15 years old. I Sent her to the country alone, put a hit out on her, and me and my ex headed home.
Then the dream got really weird. Me and him were happy again, but at some point in time I got kidnapped by the juggalo halocuast...and they were holding me for ransom or something like that. Then, when they realized no one was comming for me (I told them not to come for me, and they listened) they made me help them hunt down my jugalo family. Fucked up right?
In the dream I watched them all die and couldnt do a thing about it.
The last thing I saw in my dream was my ex begging for his life. And even though in the dream i was suppose to still love him and be sad....I looked him in the eye and said "Fuck you. DIE!" And cut his throat myself....
Anyone care to tell me what the hell this is all about?
Hey everyone. I know many of you dont read my journel, but for those of you that do Im gonna write a little something. Just so you all understand why I am the way I am. Sounds cryptic, yes? lol
Im danyel. Im about to be 20 years old. I got my whole right infront of me, right? WRONG! Ive alrady lived through more then the average person should ever have to.
Lets start at the beggining shall we?
I had an awesome childhood. Parents took care of me, fed me, clothed me, spoiled me as much as they could afford to. I never really had to earn anything. The only crappy thing was I only had one friends growing up. Ryan, whom I never hear from anymore. I think he has an account here on VR, but Im not sure.
From kindergarden to Jr. High, I was "the fat girl" no one want to hang out with me. None of the boys liked me, and sense Ive always been facinated with the occult and darker side of life, I was also "the freak". I went to a very small school which is why I was "THE" fat girl and freak. No one else was even remotely like me.
I moved to a bigger town, bigger school. Suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend. I call this "the new kid syndrom". Highschool was fun. I kinda just screwed around and didnt finish, hence why I work at a subway. lol
After I dropped out I started living with my ex step mother and my little siblings (half siblings). Jen (ex step mom) turned into a total alchoholic, became a total slut, verbally abusive towards me and my little bros. I didnt like that at all. I met some one here on vr, who will for the time being remain un-named. He came to live with me. Nice guy, cute, good in bed. The works. Too good to be fucking true. Me and him moved around alot because it was hard to find work.
Eventually we ended up back in his home town in San Diego cali. Thats where shit really hit the fan. He start lying to me, cheating on me, became slightly abusive. He didnt dare really hurt me, Im bigger then him and probably hit alot harder. lol
Two years I put up with him and worse things. Our living situation wasnt the greatest. Room mates all did drugs and drank and stuff, so I started doing it too. Neither me or my boy friend were smart about spending money. So we were broke alot. The one day I discover he'd been using my credit card with out my permission. Drawing money out to by weed, liqour, what ever. That money was from groceries. We had no food. I had to do two horrible things that I never want to do again for money. Both totally illegal. So...Yeah, use your imagenations.
2 years of this bullshit and finally I called Mommy "Can I come home?" Only home wasnt home is was here in the shit hole known as West Virginia....
And here I am, stranded, alone, and miserable.
Theres alot to the story Im leaving out...but Id rather not make some of those things public knowlege.
Thanks for caring enough to read.
Ive been reading one of the many Anita Blake books by Laurell K. Hamilton, Skin Trade, and Im getting very very....jealous the Anita. Is that weird? Im getting jealous of some one who doesnt exist.
Its just that...she has so many good looking men she can screw because she is a succubi and must feed or those closest to her are drained of life...and she herself will eventually die too...So she can basically pick and choose who ever she wants.
What really gets to me though is all the men are impossibly good looking vampires or were-animals. And if you know me, you know I have a thing for both. The men are also all very charming and sweet, or sexy, or...dangerous in a good way. Its hard to explain, but everytime i read about her with one of her men I get so fucking jealous, and it hurts me.
Why cant I meet just one person who treats me the way Anitas men treat her? Just ONE!?
-sighs-
I fucking hate this life something.
COMMENTS
You will never find a man just like the ones in the books...because no one can exist to be like someone that is made up in a book.Not trying to sound harsh but that is one of the reasons men have issues with some women.They want something that doesn't exist and most men just want a woman to love them for who they are...not what the woman wants them to be.
not at all strange to be jealous of someone that does not exist. Everyone has a wish to be someone they have read about in a book or story.
As for finding someone like the love interests in the books.... maybe.. maybe not. Most likely not completely like the characters. since they are ... fictitious. most characters are perfect with very few flaws and romanticized.
But you can find someone with similar traits , but not all of them
Well, I woke up this morning and remembered my dream as if it were a good, but confusing, movie I had watched the night before.
Me and some friends of mine decided to go back to the jr. high/ highschool we all went to together. It was abandoned, like most of the town, and rumars about it being haunted were as famous as the Amitteyville horror house. There were stories of some monster/ghost/demon-like creature roaming the campus waiting for childres to trespass so he could eat their souls and turn them into zombies.
This all sounded very far fetched to me and my friends (friends by the way that are all insanely good looking guys around my age that Ive actually never met or seen before in real life. so...how the hell do I know what they look like? Usually when you dream of some one you dont know you cant remember the face very well...I remember, vividly) so we go to investigate. (kinda like taps on ghost hunter). As soon as we enter the building after dark, all the doors, and windows slam shut and we're trapped. We're all like "FUCK YEAH BRING IT ON!" Ya know, because we're crazy and stupid, and have found a real haunting, so we're excited.
We wonder around the main building which is where most of the classes were. It gets to be about 3am, the demonic witching hour so we sit in the center of the gym, waiting for the big bad monster to come and eat us. He does...the monster burst through the door unexpectedly and chases us into the girls bathroom in the freshmen hall. For some reason is doesnt fallow us in. We sit ,and huddle together, quivering in fear. (the moster didnt really have a shape, it was just this big black formless thing, and it made horrific shreaking noises that hurt my ears...even in my sleep it hurt me.) After awhile we hear or rather...feel the monster leave. We look at the clock, its 5am, almost day light, so we start to relax. We ball up our jackets and make pillows out of them. We all cuddle up together, and go to sleep. I wake up, its day light, but like in a surreal sense. (anyone ever watch Silent Hill? Its kinda like that. The same world, but not)
I look around and all my friends are gone. I run from room to room looking for them, screaming, weeping, totally freaking out. The universe we've come to is like a world run by college kids, my guy friends ditched me for some raver chicks. Everyones a little different in this world, even me. Im thinner, dressed completely different, and everyones affraid of me. They say I was "chosen by the monster"....what ever that meant.
I go looking for my so called friends and they've changed in a personality sense. They're typical college frat boys now and not the nice guys I thought they were. But one of the guys (some one I didnt know very well but went to school with) who used to be a jerk was totally nice to me and helped me out.
There was a span of time that just kind of skipped by til it was getting dark again. I was invited to a party, got drunk, ended up in this chicks bed. Something hurt. I look down and theres needles everywhere in my body, sticking completely through my flesh and bones. For some reason the fingers hurt more then anything else. She walks in and is like "OMG Im so sorry! I knew I should of washed the bedding first" and Im like wtf? WASHED? I think it needs more then that. She takes all the needles out and at this point Im panicing because they're all drug needles. After she gets them all out I stop bleeding and heal completely. She seems to think nothing of it. So Im guessing its a normal thing in this universe Im in. I get pissed off about the whole thing, get up and walk home. (Home? Wait a minute. I have a house here? How did I know that? Where did it come from? Makes no sense right?)
When I get there I recodnize the house as my uncles house. It used to be his, and now its mine. Its all run down and spooky looking. I hear something behind me. I turn around slowly, like you always do in horror movies. Theres the beast! Only different! Its in the form of a wolf man now! And its running right for me! I run for the house, get inside the door and try to lock it, but the locks are rusted and wont budge. I fling the door open and just let the thing in.
It tackles me to the ground and starts licking my face. Im still freaking out thinking Im about to die, then I look up at his face. Thats right, HIS face....Its a guy. A REALLY hot guy....WTF?
Some how I know this guy from a past life. He's like my soul mate, but in this world he hates kids because him and I were always the butt of everyones jokes. We were the ones everyone hated and picked on. So the haunting of the school was like his revenge.
I wont get explicit on this part, but me and him end up making love, and right in the middle of making love he starts to shift back into his were-wolf form and I start freaking out. "OMFG WHAT ARE YOU DOING" he kinda laughs at me and says "Your not the one the being throwing stones my dead" He holds up this ancient mirror and shows me my refelction, and Im in a wolf-person shape too.
As soon as I see myself like that, seeing him like that doesnt repulse me anymore. It just seems normal and....well after all that nonsense of love making and such the dream ends. I wake up snuggled up to my pillow sweating and panting as if I really had done something like that...
COMMENTS
I liked how it ends. :) Cool that you turned as well.
Seems like the movie seeped into your subconscious and seeped into your dreams.I have had similar dreams before and even stranger.You may be missing something in your waking life and don't realize it til you dream.Maybe you have a dream of what kinda guy you like or want...not sure.Someone who is manly,animalistic,take charge kinda thing.You want them to bring out the animal in you.
Just a thought.
I really have no idea what it means but I've had super crazy dreams kinda like that. I think sometimes we have dreams because we get bored with just regular sleeping. And sometimes those dreams are nightmares because like when we're awake, sometimes people like to be scared. I'm not saying it scared you I'm just saying that's my take on it lol. Pretty cool dream though over all. Not completly crazy and out there just a bit confusing. XD
~Justin, Shadowed Sorrow~
Theres a man, who used to be a big part of my life, and I still care for him, even though I shouldnt.
I recently heard this man is dating a 15 year old little hussy, and is wanted in the state of cali, and oregon. I dont think its for the CHILD he's dating. I think its for drugs, or possibly weapons.
My new man, Tom, is 32, and drunk all the time. So drunk infact he cannot be "man enough" to be intimate with me. How do I solve that?
-growls-
Not the nest journel entry, but the first one in a long time.
ttyl peeps
COMMENTS
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