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she looks upon herself knowing there was something wrong with her
her mood has been up and down the past few months now no matter what she does
to calm herself down never works she recalls that night..her mom has been drinking the past few days very heavly and her grandson has just been droped off by his dad and was throwing a fit cause he did,nt want to stay with us he wanted to be with his dad but he had to go to work..her mom always took the boy no matter what we tried to calm him down but he just kepted on crying and screaming which was making her temper go nuts she could feel herself starting to blackout the more he screamed the more her temper would flare until she just could not take anymore of his screaming she starts to shake all over and went right for him grabing him by his shirt and putting him against the wall she just had enough of his screaming and blackedout and then grabed a knife running around the trailer with it in her hands her aunt was trying to take it from her but she ran outside trying to get away from her she so wanted to hurt herself.
thats when someone next door to us called the cops and she was already in her room trying to calm down but the cops took her away and just as she was led out the door she looked at mom and said i will never forgive you or talk to you again as she walked out the door with the cops they took her to the hopital to be watched over until she could be taken to a hospital that could help her findout why she loses her temper like she does and they did she foundout that she had bipolar and ptsd and was put on meds for it ever since she was put on the meds she has not had any flare ups of her temper or even blacouts her mom passed away a year later.
it been 4 years since her mom died and has been living with her aunt


this was about me and how i was 4 years ago before i was put on the meds that iam on today
i have been more calm and easy to get along with since that day i lost everthing i ever cared about
my life has been nothing but darkness in which i hide within when i feel that i just cant control myself or my temper i just go into complete silince and just go into the shadows of darkness...i might seem like a sweetheart but deep inside i,m an evil dark soul thats looking to escape..

my dearest mom
i know its been close to 4 years since you left us
at first i took your death really hard it killed me
inside
but now its getting alittle more easy to deal with
thank god lana was there when you passed away
for me to lean on
i really do miss you mom everyday of my life

love your daughter
heather

dear lana
hope this finds you in a good mood
just wanted to thank you for being a true friend
for over 20 years we have been there for eachother
through thick and thin
your more then a friend your s sister
you might not be blood but to me your my
sister always

love always
me