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I have never felt stronger about the opportunity that abandoned me. It was a short time that i had it but it brought out every feeling and sense i possess and i loved that opportunity. And when it left it caved me in, from the inside out. I feel like a pile of rubble.



I have an abyss inside me. It is dark and lonely. It echoes my pain back to me in a piercing voice that is my own. And i cannot escape it because it comes with me. It is in my beating muscle. And it screams at me as if my pain is my own fault. And it is.



I found my opportunity and it was a beautiful specimen of an opportunity as i have ever seen. It was calm and collected. It soothed my spirit when i would become irrational and ill tempered. It brought out the sweetness in me that i often hide so that i am not over taken to give all i am away. But my opportunity was full of lies behind that beautiful face and the eyes that made me wonder if my heart was still beating.



My opportunity could have been something so amazing and surreal! And it could have brought us both so much happiness. But my opportunity was full of lies and held a disgusting taste for others. How could a soul so wonderful be so cruel and hurtful and uncaring?



But even though the abyss in me cries and weeps at the pain being thrown and echoed back into my beating muscle. I long for my opportunity, for the sweet smile and the eyes i disappeared in, the arms that made me feel safe and adored, for the voice that thrilled me, the sweet words that came from the mouth i crave, and for the body that stretched beside mine and made me feel desired. My opportunity could have been real love if it was not so ugly in nature. But yet while I know how cruel it was i cannot imagine my sweet opportunity as anything else than what i have known before the hurt.



My opportunity has a name, a name i cannot free myself from. The name evokes my senses and makes me shrink away in defense of my beating muscle. A name i will never forget but would rather die than to hear uttered again. My opportunity destroyed me and has left a thirst for non lethal poison that drains my thoughts and red kisses upon my wrist that i hide behind a bracelet.



My opportunity.......