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Well, the first day of my "new life" went well, without incident. Letting the shit roll off me instead of infuriating me has been the greatest stress reliever. I can't say I was happy all day, but I wasn't angry. Thats all I can hope for..



I've gotten back into my swords, practicing with them, feeling the familiar weight, going through my stances. I went through an hour yesterday before I even realized it. it relaxed me completely.



I'm serene, im taking in everything around me again as i once did. I'm opened again to the things around me. Seeing the ravens flying over the white snow as beautiful, instead of being angry that they woke me so early in the morning.



There is still a part of me that says to hell with just letting everything get thrown my way and not doing anything about it. I mean to squelch that voice. I need to, i'll go insane otherwise.

For now, I am just going to live my life to the fullest. I'm not going to put up with other peoples bullshit, I may take all words with a grain of salt, other then those of you who I know are truthful and have never lied to me, but I won't have to put up with the things i have in the past, the lies, the fakes, the manipulaters.

I've had enough of all of them to last me a liftime, though I know I'll meet more before i'm done. I'm going to smile and bear it though, for i know i have hurt others with my neglegance, by being mad all the time and crawling iside myself, letting noone in..so i'm puttin a stop to it. Im back everyone...god help us..

I'm calm for once, I feel peace for the first time in months. I do believe I have mastered the art of letting go of everything that has come to matter not at all to me. I've also learned to not care that people are trying their damndest (or so it seems) to screw with my life. They cant accomplish it, so screw them *big bright smile*



I had the oddest thoughts earlier today and threw myself into a philosophical mood almost. I got to thinking about how far society has supposedly come yet how far back it has fallen in terms of what has become important. We have so many materialistic things, technology that our ancesters would be baffled by and it all gets taken for granted and most people want more.



It seems that all society focases on is what? How much skin you can show without going naked? That seems to be the "new thing" What happened to honor being the most important thing to people? Honesty? Why do people sacrafice their honor and hell, their pride, just to try to be perfect in the eyes of others? Why would you even want to take away what you truly are? To lie just to be accepted among a certain group of people? This baffles me to no end.



I've gotten to thinking about where my life really is going. I'm done well enough through high school to get into a good college and get the job i want, so I believe I'm fine there.

I've thought of all the things I regret, the pain I caused in my younger, foolish years. Both to my family and to my friends, I regret not being able to open up and tell them how i really felt.

I thought about how difficult things have gotten in the past four months and realized everything could be a thousand times worse. I have a roof over my head and I have alot of REAL and caring friends, I'm extremely lucky in those areas.



I've come to a decision, Im changing my life over, once again. I've gotten to be a little materialistic in the past year, clinging to things that i dont need and hell, things i dont even want anymore. I'm making my life, my day to day routine simplier. I'll do things that interest me, and leave it to that. I want to be happy again, its been way too long.