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Ive been on time, passing tests, and staying late & still I'm treated unfairly in this god forsaken school. Other people are here cause they think its easy or they couldnt get into college, and im here cause I wanted to be here & Im continuing on further afterwards. The instructors still ignore and dismiss me like im not there and its bullshit. 18 grand to be told no when all I did was ask to get something done on a slow day while everyone else is getting pampered too. Whatthefuck.

Its my first day back at school (cosmetology) and its fucking weird and kinda sucks. I feel like such an odd loner. Everyone knows someone & all the people I used to hang with either graduated already or they're in their own little cliques. its fucking stupid. Also, I cant take a client yet & i didnt bring my mannequin to work on. Its mostly been bookwork and staying in the breakroom. Theres not too much structure here. I wish i wouldve brought my DS or something. Not to mention the majority of the instructors here have been god aweful towards me this whole time. They obviously dont want me back here.. it sucks. I just keep trying to tell myself to just hang in there and finish. Fuck everyone else. Its kinda hard to focus when you dont have much to focus on. Going home isnt an option right now. I have hours to make up from my last semester i was here. I wish I knew someone or kinda had a friend. i repell ppl here. Im at a table by myself when everyone else is bunched up at other tables. And it wasnt by choice either..i was here first. They piled in later. I almost feel like i shouldnt be here. I wanna go home...

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ClippedWingedVampire
20:31 Sep 12 2012

*huggles*

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I keep telling myself it gets better. I got free from the hands that bruised the flesh and still i find the knife on the wrist as i pray for the courage to push down. Im not like them or you. Similar in ways perhaps, but surely no clone. I dont hate the world or my life.. I hate that I cant stop the inner workings of my mind. It pushes me to the edge. And this...this writing is all I have to help keep me together. I lost all friends. I dont know what happened. I strayed away and forgot who I once was. Why? I keep asking and no answer comes to mind. Its frustrating. I keep a smile. It doesnt seem to matter. But i know if i give in, ill leave behind too much. I cant give in, no matter how much I wish I could sometimes. Its not fear that holds me...its pride? Maybe some sort of honor I still hold. I dont know. Im not making sense and its good to just talk.

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ClippedWingedVampire
20:29 Sep 12 2012

If you ever need to talk, message me.

You aren't alone. As long as I'm here, nobody is.

except for people I hate.

And I don't hate you.

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