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There are multiple reasons why I don't trust people and the past three days has just refreshed my memory on why others should and cannot be trusted. A simple situation that should have been easily fixed was taken far out of proportion and all the while, their aggression was being taken towards me. The mediator attempting to calm them and settle the issue at hand. I lost someone I cared about in the process and the others that are still "With me", are distant. My heart has been shattered by this and my faith in humanity once again dwindles downward. I had hope for everyone. Everyone in any situation, that there could be hope to change, reason and flourish. Though I do hate and disagree with most of mankind, there still lies this ideal. A foolish one I've come to feel now that it has been. I feel weak and devoured by the wrecking ball thrown at me by others. "You're a waste. They walk all over you and you allow them too". The words of a simple minded fool, though that he may be still haunts me tonight. I cannot push those thoughts or words out of my head and therefore I am diminished. Taken by the words of him. The hatred, the cold now stands pulsating in my being. Boiling and brewing to the brim where I feel I must act. But how? Without committing an act of self harm or harm to another directly? I'm obligated in my mind to banish these feelings and descend them. I don't know how. Everything I have tried to do to release my mind from such a grasp has failed. It's hard to ignore the pain of being mistreated, unloved, not cared for and tormented by the power of another. They only hold power because I allow them. My guard...that I wish I had has been broken down forever now or so it would seem. I have no guard. I wear my heart on my sleeve and protecting myself is only something that happens after the fact. When I can chaotically laugh about it in my head or to their face and throw back at them what they have thrown at me. There is no hope for me, I'm afraid. These people...have broke me down bit by bit. And now I stand awake in the timeline just withering away day by day. Everyday is the same. Every night, there is a silence that suffers in my mind. Plagued by the genuine hatred and cold that freezes me.