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Some people will say they're your friends and then leave you and desert you. I've had friends that I really thought would always be there for me, but the truth is...no one's ever really always there for you. Or at least they won't always be. I feel like I've become so cold and bitter towards the idea of "friends". I still like meeting people and I still like the idea of having someone to go to and hang out with, but it's not really the same like it used to be. Perhaps that's a big part of growing up. But even then I'm a girl... I feel like most girls my age still have best friends and crap. So what's wrong with me? Well, to be fair...the people I have called my best friends have all majorly back stabbed me sooo i'm pretty sure there's just some all around trust issues..and I KNOW I have some abandonment issues on top of that. Ahhh.....

Alright. So maybe friends aren't the most important thing in the world, but I would still really like to have one really good, awesome friend that I can call and talk to and it won't feel awkward or anything. To be honest, my best friends name is Chase. And I adore him. But I don't know. Most of our talking is done in person aside from the small text messages we'll send each other here and there. He lives three hours away from me now. Unfortunately. Which is fine, but once again...would like a friend I can actually talk to and will respond to me and stuff and vice versa. Maybe this is a long shot. Maybe being independent is just what I've grown accustomed to and its too late to change my ways. Who knows...

All I know is, I miss the way things were once. When things weren't so fucked up and I had inside jokes with someone special. I want that again.

I thought you were gone, completely erased from this fragile space and time. I became immune to the cold as I slowly faded your voice from my mind. The darkness crept so silent and it was our footsteps that lead the path. We were solid, nothing could tear us apart as we walked hand in hand. There was then, the brief moment of betrayal when I followed the smoke that lead to your fire. It was no longer that we were unstoppable, because now I saw what your true heart desired. I banished you from this heart of mine. I would never forgive that night that we both hated one another and said forever our goodbyes. Now I find it so surreal, you're standing here before me. The years that passed taught you well, so it seems as you swear "that's the old me".

I accepted your friendship as I am not one to hold such a grudge. You say you want to start over, so now I give you that chance. I hope I don't make a fool of myself. I know how you look when you give me that seductive trance. You lock me in place, as I am your target now it seems. Don't break me again. I don't even know if I can ever trust you the same. This is my Beginning to a horrible end. Lets make amends and just move on from here. Oh, I hope I don't fall for you and make the same mistake again.