The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

What is the reason for my life? Why do I have to live it like this? I am alone in my torment, no where to turn and no where to hide. Stuck in a dead end situation, no way out except escaping reality. No reality is too cruel to let me do that too often though. I am 29 yrs old and still married, separated for almost 4 yrs now. Husband won't help pay for divorce and I can't afford it on my own because he also won't support our 3rd child because she is disabled and he doesn't make children like her. He is a bastard, he loves our boys, but doesn't want anything to do with our girl. I am taking care of her on my own while he enjoys watching our boys growing up without me. Sure I get them on the first weekend of the month and for the summer and Christmas vacation but he tore our family apart. He doesn't deserve the new life he has made for himself. I believe in God but I just feel like He has turned on me for some reason. Why reward a man who will not claim responsibility for a special child with another child who is not disabled? Why let him be happy with another person, when he abandoned his family that he promised forever to? I believe God sees what is going on but He just sits there letting all the wrong happen to the wrong people instead of helping. How can I possibly be a christian when the christian god does nothing for the people he claims to love.

Gather up your courage and fight for yourself, your title, for your beliefs. Don't be afraid of the people who call you a freak. Don't listen to the so-called Christians when they themselves are at fault. How will you become who you are meant to be when you care so much about how people think of you? Stop caring, it will only hold you down. Listen only to yourself, your conscience. Its the only way to become the one thing that you are supposed to be. The uniqueness that is within yourself is all that matters to you. The only person you answer to is yourself. Mom and Dad can't help you. Friends can't help you. You and you alone can make yourself, your personality. Who you are should not be what everyone expects you to be but the person you expect you to be. Live only for what matters to you. Give only when neccesary, take what is needed not what is wanted. Work only for your happiness. If they don't like who you are then they aren't worthy of you. It is better to be alone than to be surrounded by false friends. There is only trouble when you depend on anyone other than yourself.

I am caged up and its all my fault. Had I listened to my instincts, I wouldn't have been in this mess. I wouldn't have lost all that is lost. "How do you intend to get us out of this fine mess?" I ask myself......What? No answer? Stupid bitch! How are we ever gonna get on with our lives if you are stuck in the past. Grow up! Get over yourself! Stop the pity party! You know what to do and you had better do it quick before you get into more problems and more shit than you can handle. Get ahold of yourself! You are a special kind of woman, you know. You are meant to fly with the best of them, to not only be part of it but to be part of the leadership. Get your act together while you still can and do it. Break out of this cage you're in and run. Run as fast as you can and find the One who made you to be who you are. He will help you find your place. The One, The Master, he shall give you sustanance and revitalize your insides so you can work for Him and bring Him many followers and, also, His enemies to feed upon. Go to Him, ask Him to take you in, to show you immortality, to take your sacrifice so you might become like Him. Love Him, and He will love you.