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I am no longer taken, lol. I received an email while on vacation from my boyfriend. Here's what he had to say:

Michelle,



My love for you will last for all eternity, however it will be best if we do not see each other for now. I have a lot to sort out including a couple of new messes i have made since you left. Fidelity has never been a strong siut of mine except in a couple of rare cases. if after I clean up my messes you still want to b with me I would b the happiest man alive but if not i fully understand and would not fault you one bit.





Jerry



Well i guess that says it all.

Today I have realized that the anti-depressants that my doc put me on last month aren't working as they should. Today I didn't attempt it, but I sat here thinking how life would be for my family if I actually committed suicide. Now, don't be alarmed while reading this, for I do not intend to carry thru on these thoughts. I just simply thought about how life would be without me in it. The doc warned me about this, and I hadn't actually thought about it until I realized that I actually had thoughts of it. Today, I am sitting here missing my boyfriend, who needs his space. lol. So maybe if he's needing his space he intends to break up with me when I get back from vacation. He isn't the reason I had thoughts. Its been brewing inside me for years, the fact that it seems that my life is always in a shambles. That I am dependent on my parents at the age of 29. That I have a terminally ill child who's father wants nothing to do with. That I am supposed to pick up my boys in July and it looks as if I will not be able to because of unforeseen circumstances. The fact that I am on vacation and the only thing I do is sit around my sister's house on an Army base and play on the computer because I have nothing better to do. Lol. My life is truly in a rut. I haven't lived in a house all by my lonesome ever. I have always lived with some one. I can't get a job because it seems that everyone else's cars get fixed but mine has to stay where it is gathering dust and rusting. I have to depend on someone else to take me somewhere if I need to go. I have to do my business and what not on their time and not my own. YES, I am complaining on here because in real life, I cannot bring myself to complain when everyone is helpful to me most of the time. I just wish that one of these days I could be self sufficient, independent. Maybe that day will come before I grow old and die alone and broken.

This is just an update if anyone is wondering. I haven't been online in a while and I haven't written for that long either. I apologize to my one or two readers for being lax in my responsibilities but I have an excellent excuse. I have been putting myself out there for the first time in 5 years since my husband and I split, and I have found a most fascinating man to spend my time with. I will be back soon to finish my writings, but for now I am on hiatus to enjoy myself. Dark Blessings to all who enter. Sincerely Yours, Caterina