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Carmellablack's Journal



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8 entries this month
 

01:58 Sep 25 2011
Times Read: 526


OMG I GOT MY HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA TODAY WOOHOO!!!Sandra went to NH, and hated it, my baby sister about to turn 19 has major depression and now nightmares...well my cousin jason took a family friend of years aunty rhonda to go get her $80 worth gas&food...mommy turned 50 something today lol and had a great birthday, cards, grandkids, boyfriend bought her card w/$50 in side, bottle of wine with bag of weed inside, cool dude, also dinner at ruby tuesdays. Nathan is being loud and i have a headache, im tired. no more wed. jason girlfriend of bout 4 years is a sneaky lil weasel and gets on my nerves. i dont like being round her no more. g2g uncles early to bomb with jason while she at work. tomo nathans birthday, yeah i plan on leaving him before he wakes up not do nothing but leave card on table, no coffee made, no litter scooped, no fish on with food(maybe ill take care of fish so george our striped gar eats his krill trouble eating surrounded by green terrors mo larry curly and two red oscars simon & bolt (he named them before i came along) and of course 3 of 4 cats are mine so ill feed them. but yeah wake up walk out leave card unless he up then im screwed to stick around uh. I talked to Joshua my true love in GA my Soldier my man my love my everything and now plans on going to GA i do oct 7-10 weekend to make love to him and hold him touch him see him feel him kiss him love him hear him etc and got to stay with jacob and ashley that week so got to get hold of them to make those plans. aunty karen in maine wants me to visit her, she lonely pretty bad last few years and needs someone i miss her havent seen her in years, GA $180 trip one way thats almost my whole check minus phone im broke...but to see Joshua and my Godson Maddox who will be a year old Nov. will be wonderful...I also chatted with an old middle school girlfriend misty smith married now with two lil girls who found a website to help her through her faith...my life is going uphill maybe at this time...for how long, idk



JENNIFER MARTINEZ CALL ME IMISSYOU 4018477048



JOSHUA MY ONE TRUE LOVE


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01:07 Sep 21 2011
Times Read: 528


Monday went to work all 4 hours, on time etc, went to uncle rays after & dropped off my appeal to fight for housing...Then lounged at uncles, feeling like crap so came home had soup tea crackers tylenol napped all day an night. Well had to make Doc appt asap for abyses which he numbed cut drained. then uncle gave me a vic which made me dopey came home napped had the worse nightmare in the world... got up to dinner and a bath, nathan and i been fighting all day, why cant he act like a man??? Like watching thomas the train and tv shows my 3 year olds wouldnt even watch. He cant cover his mouth coughing, and smokes in the same room as my cat with allergies all the time, behind my back too... JOSHUA I need you...but im to fend for myself always. Struggling...Hurting...damn am I strong??? how much more can i fight for myself my life my future??? Nathan and I are not staying together, and if we were a serious relationship which we are not id be gone now...so in minor surgery he across street with some broad sitting next to him on wall then he sees me jumps up and says blah blah cigarette and walked to 7-11(didnt) then dont want to go to uncles after surgery with me...nice...came home to smoking in front of my already sick cat allergic to smoke of any kind... drama today he says "u leaving anyway like they did whine whine" 38 years old whining...thomas the train for real??? i thought my husband was mentally a child...im not happy with people saying JESUS sorry Jesus never had our heat/electric magically paid, we suffered...and prayed as a child, he didnt help...I believe in God but from there I dont know what I believe...im struggling...suffering, help me be MENTALLY STRONG!!!



TAKE MY NIGHTMARES



JENNIFER ILOVEYOU CALL ME...

4018477048


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14:50 Sep 17 2011
Times Read: 537


the next morning, we fought (verbally) until we fell asleep. He is the only one that doesnt know of JOshua. Im not hiding nothing just "h yeah nathan i got a true love in another place" how well that would go. It doesnt matter i just want my own apatment, my own home, me, my cats, myself. I am saving up now for car cuz ill need it by March...Car payments plus rent is rough but workchecks can go to minutes and house stuff. I want to be happy. I feel neglected like when i was a child. My stepdad is taking sandra to new hampshire today. Not me. I got to go now and say goodbye...later



ILOVEYOU JENNIEFER& JOSHUA



CArmella


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05:39 Sep 17 2011
Times Read: 540


I am home, Natalie asleep, so he took off cuz I wouldnt have sex with him-cuz our ten year old daughter was sleeping on the couch right next to the bedroom, he had a fit, last night came home at 9pm he asked "whose dick was in u all night?" I am not happy with him. And the fact he left here 12 am and couldnt get hold of nobody to chill with...i rather not have sex with him if i cant trust him and i obviously dont trust him his words and actions add up to a NEGATIVE! HE went out a few nights ago for 2 hours and i didnt care but didnt have sex with him that night either...I NEED A NEW PLACE TO LIVE IM SO MADD CUZ MY APT CAME TO A STANDSTILL MY CRIMIINAl RECoRD MAKES ME A THREAT TO MY RESIDENTs...im more of a threat snappin but i wont snap im not ready some realll good green keep me on track...money stops that so im struggling with so much...apartment denied, fight for appeal. DECEMEBER THis was supposed to be my time my own home my cats my stuff happy safe secure...not now ... will i ever be secure adn safe???

School-RESEND FINAL

$200 math courses...

new phone

regular expenses


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19:15 Sep 11 2011
Times Read: 541


PMS. UGH. I got to chat with Joshua online and visited his facebook farmville, moved next door to him...imisshim. I lay beside Nathan and he is Nathan. I spoke to Calvin for few min Friday but that was it. i need a divorce and other billsm bew phone etc...but I love Joshua



Carmella


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22:14 Sep 09 2011
Times Read: 548


Money gone. The rest goes to med bill, or mass prob. So broke again til next Friday I get a $30 check...UH...One step at a time...school, deny $200 courses and buy a math for dummies book for $30 no more. Um, call Pat Rose every week now and check my apartment status. Monday morning leaving a message. Got to call my august salary in to ssi wage...UH! no cell, no memory, lost, not organized and get paranoid. Damn, I actually want to take the actual math courses for the credits and learning and focus. But I cant focus on it being a book, I got some motivation and strength and good characteristics. Well, lil sis may be moving in with me. I am so sad she turned me down earlier. But soon shell be here. im trying to get her focused and stuff...G2G



CARMELLA



Husband was searching for me only two nights ago and i called him today blocked on my uncle tom cell. UHHHH! And I figured im going to buy my own boost and not need him for anything. Except a divorce thats what i need. ...

Nathan dont know, but my whole family does. UHHH! What am I doing, when will I learn???


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00:32 Sep 06 2011
Times Read: 549


Birthday party night went awful. Natalie through fits adn kicks all day. She kicked lil nathan between legs for no reason, and started talking like "im calling my nana"(in reality she is terrified of her nana's mouthpiece-yelling,screaming, cursing, blame) and then got worse through the night "ill just kill myself then" at ten yrs old her own party...Chinesse went fine, bus ride home took awhile...kids went to church and didnt come back. They start school tomo maybe or thursday. Memphis came and was good cept for copying nathan&natalie putting their hadns in the goldfish tank. its quiert now cept for nathan watching tv. My mom left a few minutes ago. Now im going to microwave some cookie dough...



ILOVEYOU JOSHUA

& JENNIFER INDIANA GIRLFRIEND lol

Carmella


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18:06 Sep 03 2011
Times Read: 558


So I lost $200&got it off this crazy lady who denied it&i knew she had it cuz she walked by&said it was probably her money. So i went and asked her&dude she was with.he came back around&said i found $40&here its for your kids birthday.I sent nathan out to dude, he chatted anrily, then i yoked up the lady emptied her purse&pocket&found my money, even gave her $16 back that was mine. I told her merry fucking christmas

SO my kids are good. WE go to chinese&ice cream cake later. they got their gifts yesturday lil nathan a black ops call of duty rezurrection&she wanted this lil girl school kit&they got it,. my 3yrold memphis is coming too. g2g



Carmella


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