The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Five and 1/2 weeks I have been with Randy. I am at Nathan's now on computer. Little agrivated. He closed the door when Paula, his best friend now deceased Jeff Henry RIP, ex girlfriend called and he closed the bedroom door. She got $ & wanted him to go drink with her to have sex. He not interested, Jeff died, she making me boil. BREATHE! Off probation July 31st. No more legal trouble, $4200.00 Mass restitution. Got to get it paid so im off Mass hook. PO there don't call, pay&show up. $25 month again now but i'm paying more. Hot in here. Jeff was buried today. Very sad. So school moving along, 235.00 left of that and only 2 courses completed. UGH! Life and time. OMG MY BABY SIS 6 MONTHS PREGNANT! Yeah she hid it from us all and I dont blame her. His family knew cuz she lived there obviously, morning sickness and no periods dont go unnoticed. Maybe thats how she got in FEST fast, her neighborhood. Work going well. Bus home soon. So much to say but can not remember much. I am not having a child right now. The new roommate, his ex niece in law living there has pissed off everyone except ex father in law cuz he keeps to himself and our cry baby (kitty) is having her kittens any night now. g2g so much for update.

So when Nathan tossed me out after a fake seizure (all believed it was real) and had another fake seizure the following evening. This was exactly 3 Fridays ago. And a complete stranger from work ran into my girl bringing me my shoes and he flew with her to RI HOSP. where I was in a taxi both ways he paid. He slept with me at my mom's but we talked all night. Nathan called the next day for me to come home. Randy changed all that. But I miss home. And I got to realize Nathan's is not home anymore. And I am BLUE! I look miserable because because I want my home. But it's not home now. almost 2 years but didn't make it that far. I believed I would end up back with him by October, when our tv series the Walking Dead season 4 comes on. But Nathan let go, still struggles I am sure but I want to go home. The moment I knew was when I cried to him I wanted to just come home on my cell in RI HOSP. He hung up. He ended it. If anything went different that night I would be with Nathan now. The sodomy and regular rapes I struggled but dealt with it. I dealt with it the beginning of my relationship with Randy. He is 49 this Friday. I am throwing this huge party for him Friday too. Randy is making the call on things I can not make regret guilt. So July 4th 2013 Nathan's best friend Jeff Henry died that night of a heroin OD by needle. I ran to Nathans to be there with him for him. Well at the end of last Friday night July 5th, when he realized I wasnt staying. He told me he was moving on and the children are irrelevant to him moving on. DAMN IT! He took the kids when I chose to go home to Randy's house. Im sick of the pain in the end I feel after I help others heal. I still always lose. I love Randy for the man he is. 30 years in jail (swapped around-aci and feds) He gets out and meets me after playing with elderly hearts. He caught me took care of me. What if I ODed the night he Nathan split cuz I was alone at mom's or Joel&Megan's. I was going to stay at their hosue but wasnt comfortable enough there. And I am glad I do not live there unless its desperate. We go Randy&I to Joel&Megan's one or two nights every weekend. I am sad. I want to go home. One day it will be my own home. I picked the key home sweet home at Walmart copy key machine. (Randy's house key) Nathan is distant but he allowed me to take my copy of his keys. Maybe that's why he thought I was staying. I want to have sex with Nathan crazily. But I am with Randy now. And we have had good sex and sex where she would block him or put him down wet or dry locked. She got her own mind. and she wants Nathan. I want my kids. But Nathan made the choice to stay living where he is and not moving in with me to a real place and get our kids too. LIES ILLUSIONS WORDS used before to get me to come home. I am g2g2 park and cry. Maybe my kids will be over there. and give them the copy of keys. I can't keep seeing them and know I can not use them again. So Nathan didnt give me back my birth control. So chances I am pg and father could be Randy or Nathan. Randy only knows about past sodomy and non consential sex, he doesnt know how many times since we got together. Randy thinks once, it was more. But I am BLUE! Even better 2 weekwnds ago Nathan slept with Jeff's on/off girl 3x and felt guilty but its over. Paula Jeff's girl/ex is an emotionally sick, she found him. I saw her at work today. I hope Paula and Nathan help eachother through this. He will not call me anymore. But I called him today after seeing Paula he wasnt home alone. His tone of voice told me so. Brothers maybe. I need to let go, of 3 kids I mothers for nearly 2 years. Their biological mothers are trash. Now they just taken from me with a closed and locked door. UGH! Randy is a great guy, not bad looking beer belly died hair for me. We got a lil drunk(tipsy) from coffee brandy and bombing. It was an ok weekend. They Megan can get on my nerves. But Randy doesnt want to go because drugs. Joel sniffs pills and smokes crack etc... I saw Nathan & I were splitting soon. But day after a seizure and me broken didnt mattter. His voice so heartless the moment I knew we were not meant to be then or forever. I told Randy the same thing I cant promise forever just today. PG and dont' know who the father is. But Nathan said we would raise the child if its his. But for now it doesnt matter. SO MUCH! The old women Randy toyed with their hearts hate me more than ever, they didnt hate me before. Now ppl say Randy & I look miserable together. I am stuck! CONFUSED beyond the blue. But the Lord put me where I am and I will be ok. Got 2 get rid of fleas though. Cry_Baby their cat is pg and I want to wash her in oil and Dawn to suffocate the fleas and wash her up to make her smell good and make her healthier. Poor Diamond their lil yorkee has fleas too poor things itch like crazy. I tried to start a book called "Almost 2 Years" but so much happens so fast its hard to keep up with time itself. At library now. g2g2 Janie's but really post office and park. I am BLUE! Everyone else sees it but Nathan and Randy. BLIND when they want to be. Got to go copy to EP. Randy hasas grandmal seizures too and old Avon lady SUe and Jackie mouth piece etc caused him a seizure. I was upset. But I never left his side after his seizure. I woke him up to give him his meds and tell him I was g2 take a shower, so he didnt wake and freak I wasnt beside him. SO MUCH! I talked to my dad on Father's Day. And it was nice to hear him talk to me. Minutes then I told him if/when he ever wanted to call me there was my #. And I will remind him every year we are both alive he is my father and I love him. I mailed him a card through my Aunty Teresa and a letter afterward through his online address. Chaos. After Nathan & I split I was told by a close family friend of Randy&his sister who lived around the corner said someone molested someone(all girls) and I flipped out. I kno9w Nathan's brother was cuffed for a charge but I knew he didn't do it. Then it was said grandfather did it. I don't know how true any of it was besides Nathan's brother and situation. THe rest was bull. Nathan & my daughter Nathalie said no. Cant remember what else to say. Besides im blue and Jeff is really gone etc.