The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

So lets start with going to do Calvin a favor & some chick is talking in the background about him and another chic. Then i call back &here them. then he calls and im like whos that chic in the background and she said yeah. then she started texting me crap. I was pissed. From that it goes to that night Joshua can not visit me in Rhode Island. THat goes to a plan on him pickin me up and takin me to GA with him amd be stuck there but pass to Jacob&Ashleys house and visit broke. I asked them they agreed, plan went south, joshua coukdnt get to ri for me. THEN I lost to Shawn in Court Im court ordered to pay $25 a month in the amount of $5000.00......DOWNDOWNDOWN

that night I got to see jayanna and jordyn my nieces have dinner hamb,hotdogs,lobster pieces. Amazing night adn amazing high. Then Ambrie adn I been hanging out alot w/jenn adn the family too/ Uncle ray in hospital&aunt melinda both over the weekend one each day. WOrk. SOMEMUCH GOING DOWNHILL, my kids&pets&friend&bud to keep me from hitting rockbottmm...............BYE

Friday night I went to tropical, saw Steven(Jordyn's father, he is now a bouncer) his sister Allison(I love her, she is an amazing woman who loves woman) her wife Angela. I was meeting Jonathan and we had a normal night, beers we were there til closing, pizza, nicholas' aweful pizza, some pot, some relaxing and holding eachother and chatting alot. Well his old friend came in adn started telling us about about all these Bristol&Newport free and not free events. There is a free wed. cruise on the Aurora, Hyatt departs and I would like to go with jonathan, not by myself anyway. Tomo. Maybe not. g2g gym tomo. I put the last of my spanish 20 exam on yahoo answers cuz ive been trying adn its not gettin easier. JOshua is meant to be home this month...i wait as always and worry adn hope and cry sometimes but wwtill patiently wait. No matter what we said we will always love eachother, our last words on yahoo IM on my cell. Saturday night Janies & sunday night. Jayanna ladybug came to memphis bday with sky and the twins Ro&Phoeny. Awesome seeing them. Then Sunday Jordyn came down now she at janies for like a week. Monday, last night worked went did laundry at ambries sister jenns house smoked hungout, nice. Jamal upset me last night bringing his friend sha in sying yeah she fighting w/her mom too so shes here. like telling me she sleeping over. He was quite rude. I smoked the last of my bud w/her. Then I told her good night adn she looked at me funny cuz I said it to mean good night like bye but was just going to sleep anyway. lol. 3 leters of reference need these ladies to write it out not their numbers so ill have Joana Thurs. and someone else. then bring that copy of sscard number to Pat Rose and ill be in chapel terrace apartment real fast. Chapel Terrace. Didnt want too but not idc, just want my own place. I will be at peace with in my home or at jenns. g2g



Carmella



things going up&down

My weekend was somewhat casual, didnt go to a bar adn drink, smoked some weed, Jamal stucvk around and still around. He is okay. We have a lot in common like books& Harry potter and fitness(he thin ans wants muscle abs or something.) im thick and want to tone myself. I went to the gym yesturday, good workout, calves&feet sore but im fine. I saw Ambrie and the family monday night for a lil bit. And the night before for a few minutes. I gave Jen her $20 from 6months ago, forgot my notebook w/ambries cards in it so brought em to her monday night. it was nice to see the family, Lisa and Lou were there too with their dogs and Sonny. it was cool smoked a blkunt. Ambrie got a housekeeping job in newport pretty cool. Jacob, Ashley, and Dutch keep in touch living their own lives. Calvin called me this morning...I sent him the forward of a lil girl Ash sent me (in stories USA news anyway) we chatted for a lil while if I had filed for divorce he would have stopped all contact but id also change my # around that time too. NEWS!!! exam 20 worjking on one before final. final i believe would be easy. Work, sleep,smoke, workout, read, write, walk, clean house, laundry, dog&cats...Dutch sent me new pics cuz I lost em and Jacob&ashley say hi every now & then. Maddoxz looks like Ashley, short and chubby face, arms, legs, so friggin cute. (chub from babyfat he will lose it, she not chubby) I remember when she showed up and now they got a son and down in GA. Im okay, getting my own place adn i got time to be in RI probation & mass court adn doctors and ssdi etc...anyway

HOPE EVERYONE HAD A GREAT HOLIDAY WEEKEND!



Carmella

I feel completely alone. again. Mom is like a vacuum for my money, Uncle Ray is a wall, he doesnt let nothing I say sink in to his brain, uh-huh is it. I havent soke to Calvin since I asked him to file for divorce again. I am so stressed. Been thinking to go in the hospital but itts 4th July weekend!!! I had planned on the majestic cruise ship tomorrow night 8:30-12midight but mom's sucking me dry adn Jamal was going to leave tomo but I influenced to stick round me for this weekend til Mondya the 4th. He agreed. Told him meet me tomo at my house @3 hoping that gives me time to clean up the house, after house shopping and paper errands for apartment. I also got money set aside for Jen, my old only girlfriend Ambrie's sister I have owed her since Jan. but dismissed it cuz after my seizure at her house I havent seen Ambrie and was heartbroke. I accepted her family as my own, and they accepted me as their own until Jan.5th when I went in to a seizure on Jen's floor in front of her siblings Jacob 15, Andrea 16, Ambrie and Jen. Waking up was a migraine that felt lke a dream but im used to waking up after sezizures in a hospital knowing now what it was going on. ^months since that seizure and 6months since ive seen Ambrie. Now I go to drop off Jen's $20 and Ambrie's bday card from March with $10. Maybe it will put us together for the 4th.Maybe. BILLS,BILLS,BILLS, my mother wanting more for her rent cuz I live there, but I have no say in nothing im not on the lease. Im only in RI still cuz my probation, court in mass. meds, court ordered to take them and see Dr.Klein, having to see a probation officer, being broke about the day I get paid. Anyway, im paying my own bills and have to hold my workchecks for Aug. g2g contacts again, got a divorce to pay for, but got some new info on that from Cassandra's father Jim. I call him Daddy when I talk to him but not writing cuz I guess when I talk to him I go back to being that child on his shoulders and beach adn frosty freeze every summer day him & mom had off. I dont trust him, he always asks are you ok? im far from ok, but im alive and free so thats what i say. He talks to Stacy now, Stacy my sister and mother of my nieces who doesnt talk to me and hardly my mother. Who keeps the girls away from us, 4 months now. Jayanna 3months cuz i went there after court to see her. Matt was sick that day. Thank God, it put me back there all day just to spend it with Jayanna while he went to hospital, bronchital infection. POOP! Mass Court July 18th again, a few more weeks, Shawn will be there this time. I can write his name and speak it now. I dont boil and want to break down like I used to. His Uncle nods at my mom and I am glad he dont scream at us and stuff now cuz it really upset my mom the time he did it. But he found out the truth bout the abuse adn moved on with his own life. I am trying to move on with my own life. Step 1:Diploma. When will I motivate myself to complete my final exam and questions on this other one? ASAP! Step 2: forgotten at this time but the list is written down. I will have my own apartment in less than 6months and class ring too. I will have my license in bout 6months, probation another year. Jim has casued me a great emotional strike today. Bringing up Cassandra's betrayal to my mother and myself bout my abusing her and mom wouldnt listen and that if he dropped her off she would runaway. But interesting he just said Aunty Jane & Uncle Butch would have no contact with him again, must verify facebook in one second. Yeah Jim was telling the truth, Uncle Butch did not message him. You just got to know w/Jim and he got this whole "Sandra, you & I are going to spend a day/weekend together one day when he will come down with his girlfriend at this time Charlotte...I uh dont believe him. I miss being a lil girl, ill never have it back, and the pain emotionally I bear now will be there deep insede me for years to come. Joshua, my love who should be returning to me this month(july) has not sent me any mesages. But its worry. But how can he love me knowing I struggle to survive and suffer endlessly waiting for him to come home alive, and thought it would end in matrimony with a im not getting married. im a Soldier. So am I waiting for him to die to go on living my life??? I dont know. But I struggle, suffer, adn wait because I love him. To love and be betrayed by love...Always broken into pieces. SO POSITIVE-I saved two baby birds this weekend I did, one from my dog and cat, the other from being runned over in parking lot. I was proud its parents came for them(separately only 2-3days apart) one a sparrow, the other a quarry, pheasant something like that. I write Jordyn my Angel letters now becasue I cant see her. But I miss her face, her beautiful smile adn brilliance, my little Angel growing fast, ten in July already. Memphis my pumpkin 3yrsold next sunday. I miss my ladybug who may not even remember me. My champ always with his dad on weekends so he asked me to sleep at his house the night of memphis bday party(party the 9th) i agreed and put it in my calendar, cant not show now. $3.50 library fee adn card mia stops me from borrowing books at this time...UH! Well UPDATED



CARMELLA