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So I bounced at 7:45 to my sister Janies, who is due to have my niece&nephew in 2 weeks(Feb.11th C-Section) Unfortunately my nephew died in her womb but niece will be healthy, is healthy inside. Well I bounced to bomb with her man Ant, obviously the baby's father. Who walked me home to talk about watching me or playing with me, how much!!! UGH SERIOUSLY CLOSE TO VOMITING ON THE COMPUTER & worse I can only tell VAMPIRERAVE...I would lose my sister who would side with him. Then my BFF Ambrie's sister Jen's ex Joe asked to pay me too and gave me $30 & 2 sacs like oh this is heads up gift, and Nathan is anal raping me daily & Bryan is gone...Bryan would have been good to me and protected me from all the above and more. I went off to smoke weed, now I feel like all men look at me as a whoreor a hooker just sex trash. Bryan made me feel like a beautiful woman. And I am not. Every man that knows who and how I am think I am sex garbage.LORD I WANT BRYAN BACK! LORD SHOW ME HOW TO MAKE IT ON MY OWN! I AM FALLING APART! Nathan's anal raping gets worse with his mental accusations...I AM GOING TO BREAK AND SOMEONE WILL GET HURT, LORD HELP ME, GUIDE ME, IM BREAKING DOWN INSIDE AND I DONT WANT TO HURT ANYONE, MYSELF OR END UP IN PRISON! I thought back massaging my sister Stacey man Matt when I was 16/17 for dough $10 ten min/$20 20min not bad. What the hell. THIS SHIT MAKES ME WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!! FEELING SO LOST ALONE AND LOCKED IN A KENNEL! It was a joke of me being in a hamster cage here @ Nathan's between Bryan&I private joke, now IM LOCKED IN A KENNEL ALONE AND ABUSED IN SO MANY WAYS! He would throw me out reading this, Nathan would, he wouldn't side with me or protect me like Bryan would have if I had chosen him and been faithful to him. I want to die sometimes. But I will not becasue I will survive, make it through, and become some one, something, nobody thought I would because I AM A FRUITLOOP! SCREW THEM I AM A BRILLIANT FRUITLOOP! ON POSITIVE SIDE-(beer bashing chris thompson looney patient on serious all dangerous illegal drugs plus pills in the head I filed to dismiss my charge against him its been 6 months, have not heard from grand jury & SSI cancelled, SSDI safe-good news & good responsibilities calling and making sure its done, then tomo doc in Portsmouth we visit Uncle ray before car dealership appt (who only knew Nathan anal raped me twice so I fingered his butt through his shorts, he was in shock and ten said it hurt-but it dont hurt me im a girl, he siad his asshole is tight, so is mine besides the anal raping in the bronx few years ago 2007/08) I cant tell Uncle ray my beloved Uncle, father figure, and best friend. He tells everyone everything and doesnt protect me.) BED MED ALARM G2G

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Medlin
06:30 Jan 30 2013

So you have Jesus, anal, weed, and Fruit Loops. Hmmm, I think the only thing missing is Child Protective Services.



And you're locked in a kennel, but still have access to the internet? o.0 Uh huh.

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I put my finger up his butt again and he freaked it hurt, and he says he is a man and I am a woman. This woman doesn't approve of anal sex (it hurts) He is mad at me for it and I hope he learned from my finger which is smaller than his dick. I am happy for Bryan and Christina, she is not doing drugs and he is with her what they both wanted, as long as they are happy. I didnt expect him to talk trash about me but he does, I am not surprised she does. He is 36 supposed to be more mature than that. They told megan I had a pregnancy test and they ran to the hospital. LIES! I had nausea and suicide. I didnt know they were together and thought he would come there for pg results (got to test for eveything) I found them at Scotts that night when went for clothes & meds. Scott had his sister kick me out (someone has to go) obviously me, I had a place to go anyway. PROBLEM-IF IM PG & FIND OUT IN FEB. I DONT KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS_NATHAN or BRYAN) I will pay for DNA results at 6 months though. Nathan says he will take care of me after months of saying hell no he wouldnt raise another man's baby, now he will, cuz its me and my baby. I don't think Bryan would consider it his from the negative test a week ago tomo. We had mad sex during my period so it could/will show in FEB. We need a real apartment and vehicle. We working on car now, my throwing half bills down, we can actually afford it. Vehicle. He says driving is bawling, he can be funny. But I hate he dont understand I am a woman so its okay to put his dick&finger in my ass, I hate it, my screams of pain mean nothing to him and he laughs at me when im mad at him after and cover up adn roll over. I have had 2 orgasms since he started anal raping me. I point it out, anal rape, he laughs. Until I put my finger up there over his boxers, BITCH! ont giveout what you cant take in. I want Bryan, but i must let him go. Its different than Steven, its worse than Sean (Raven) but as a grown up I dont give in to the pain, I just live on. I hide the pain. Nathan says you should be letting it out with me, I told him so you can use against me when you want. Steven was 10-11 months ago and he still throws him in my face. Payday is back to school at library (computer sucks at home) Im hurting. No one wants to hear my hurt. Nathan doesnt understand, Uncle Ray says let it go and whines about Brandon deserting him. i ran to him when he was crying. But when I cry I can not cry. I cried at churcH Sunday morning but that was it. I cry a little but hide it. No one cares anyway. Who am I to cry when I chose Nathan over Bryan. I don't know why either, simple in person persuasion, my kids need me & this is my home. He told me hold to my happiness then this is my hoem this is where I belong I dont belong on the bottom because Bryan is on the bottom. I started on the bottom with him because I chose too because I love him. I picked him up with mami's death. Now they can be happy together. I will move on. Screw men. I am with one but he is it. POSITIVE:right now uh... got ICP playing no bud damn it...going to bomb bud. with ant(janies man)..just called...

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vampyrebeast
01:06 Jan 30 2013

Jerry Springer should recruit you as their ambassador.

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I put my finger up his butt again and he freaked it hurt, and he says he is a man and I am a woman. This woman doesn't approve of anal sex (it hurts) He is mad at me for it and I hope he learned from my finger which is smaller than his dick. I am happy for Bryan and Christina, she is not doing drugs and he is with her what they both wanted, as long as they are happy. I didnt expect him to talk trash about me but he does, I am not surprised she does. He is 36 supposed to be more mature than that. They told megan I had a pregnancy test and they ran to the hospital. LIES! I had nausea and suicide. I didnt know they were together and thought he would come there for pg results (got to test for eveything) I found them at Scotts that night when went for clothes & meds. Scott had his sister kick me out (someone has to go) obviously me, I had a place to go anyway. PROBLEM-IF IM PG & FIND OUT IN FEB. I DONT KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS_NATHAN or BRYAN) I will pay for DNA results at 6 months though. Nathan says he will take care of me after months of saying hell no he wouldnt raise another man's baby, now he will, cuz its me and my baby. I don't think Bryan would consider it his from the negative test a week ago tomo. We had mad sex during my period so it could/will show in FEB. We need a real apartment and vehicle. We working on car now, my throwing half bills down, we can actually afford it. Vehicle. He says driving is bawling, he can be funny. But I hate he dont understand I am a woman so its okay to put his dick&finger in my ass, I hate it, my screams of pain mean nothing to him and he laughs at me when im mad at him after and cover up adn roll over. I have had 2 orgasms since he started anal raping me. I point it out, anal rape, he laughs. Until I put my finger up there over his boxers, BITCH! ont giveout what you cant take in. I want Bryan, but i must let him go. Its different than Steven, its worse than Sean (Raven) but as a grown up I dont give in to the pain, I just live on. I hide the pain. Nathan says you should be letting it out with me, I told him so you can use against me when you want. Steven was 10-11 months ago and he still throws him in my face. Payday is back to school at library (computer sucks at home) Im hurting. No one wants to hear my hurt. Nathan doesnt understand, Uncle Ray says let it go and whines about Brandon deserting him. i ran to him when he was crying. But when I cry I can not cry. I cried at churcH Sunday morning but that was it. I cry a little but hide it. No one cares anyway. Who am I to cry when I chose Nathan over Bryan. I don't know why either, simple in person persuasion, my kids need me & this is my home. He told me hold to my happiness then this is my hoem this is where I belong I dont belong on the bottom because Bryan is on the bottom. I started on the bottom with him because I chose too because I love him. I picked him up with mami's death. Now they can be happy together. I will move on. Screw men. I am with one but he is it. POSITIVE:right now uh... got ICP playing no bud damn it...going to bomb bud. with ant(janies man)..just called...

I told him for the first time tonight my pussy was his, because he was in my butt before he asked. He said I had to be punished for being bad (for leaving for bryan) and he had the hair on my forehead and I said I would be a good girl for the first time. Bryan told me he would punish me that way too but neither knows that. So I am anal raped by my own boyfriend daily now. Worse, my 11yearold son was in the next room, he walked in when I was on top of Nathan(riding him) My head was in pillows so he couldnt hear my screams when he was in my butt. I pointed out he was anal raping me. He finds it funny. Tammy&Melissa liked it, his favorite position. They are our 3 kids biological mothers who abandoned our kids. The kids are mine now, I am their mother. I love sex, just not anal sex. Whenever I tell him no its a punishment. I wouldnt suck it after he put it in my butt. We did a porno willingly, found he did one without my knowledge. I got pics of his dick and sucking it smiling on my cell now (wow, my idea, ive got nympho nuts.) But we are working on us and our future. I see the butt doctor Wednesday morning, he will say no anal sex, I cant say its against my will, I cant tell my man is anal raping me. Because I chose to be here, though this didnt start til I came home after Bryan. It hurts thinking of him next to her and them having sex and being together sleeping and waking up and showering together. It hurts. But I am stronger. How strong am I if I accept anal rape by a man who says he loves me. I am his, he is mine, that is how it is. I accept it as punishment, but its permanent punishment. Because its so much tighter than my clit he dont want it in the clit anymore...I will survive this. We both work tomo and he in bed already he gets up at 5am. I get up at 7am. He will be staying at center during my shift for appt during my shift. I dont want to see them together. I would rather have Bryan punishing me because I love him. It would have hurt but been better to deal with than him with her & my punisher with me. I am okay here. We are going to the top together. YES we are. SSI/SSDI trying to play with my money and I am not happy and its going to screw plans and bill budget if this screwup goes through. $301 is not helping for Feb. That pays school, cell, court then broke. Nathan and I made budget with our regular amounts $674 not $301... I got to call tomo to fix this and cry but saving all my work checks might help us out. But for a vehicle in March instead of an apartment is a move up. Apartment later but saving for it and searching for the right one, right place, right size, right price. LORD HELP ME GUIDE ME ILOVEYOU LORD

I love you too Bryan

probation went fine. She asked if we had domestics, I told her no, because they are not police recorded. He did it in the butt again and again. It hurts so I shoved my finger in his butt, his butt is not a virgin, he said stoop that hurts and I think a real straight man would have punched me in the face or something. I wanted Bryan to do that as punishment fo rcheating with nathan. Nope Nathan punishes me every night now and enjoys it but now my clit is not tight becasue he put it in my butt which is tighter than my my clit obviously. g2g help him do math with our bur budgets...

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VRsCrawlingDead1
17:28 Jan 28 2013

O.O

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VvvVampireKisses
22:04 Jan 28 2013

OH MY GAWD ... Bloody Hell hahahahhahaah

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It has been 6 days and I cant understand this, but I did this so I live with it. Nathan&I did a porno together. CRAZY! I can not believe I okayed it, but he did one without my knowledge earlier this week too. DAMN HIM! But we did it. We can do a better one. It didnt show our private parts up close. I took cell pics too of his dick and me sucking it and smiling...GROSS but we love eachother so its okay. We went to church yesturday and it was awesome, I cried but also took Bryans ring off my necklace(necklace from my sister for Christmas) at church. Kit cancelled its her husband birthday. But she called back and suggested us reading adn praying. So we did. Proverbs 1. We read and I explained best I could to him. But maybe I needed to read and learn from that myself. I hurt yes but im strong. I g2g probation. Checking in since I was homeless last time I saw her 2&1/2 weeks ago. So I hurt, yes, but IM STRONGER! g2g search how much we could make for our own porn. YEAH great so much for Proverbs...

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VRsCrawlingDead1
16:02 Jan 28 2013

Making pornos and reading Bibles!



I wanna party with you all!!! lol

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Dec.21st I believe Nathan thru me out, he caught me making out with Bryan. He ran his mouth and then ran to bus stop cuz I was going to hit him. I got with Bryan. Oh and I left Bryan to be with Nathan again. Yeah. I love Bryan. But pain ceases with time, ICP, heacy crazy music, weed. He got back with his wife who he left for sucking dick for crack, SICK true. I was sick but ok, he not happy with her. He couldve picked a hot chick, Spanish chick, but he chose her, NOT JEALOUSY. I hope she goes through rehab and gets better. And they work and are happy. I hope I finsih college, find a place i can afford and moveon. With or Without Nathan. With nothing over my head, our relationship would be completely separated and peaceful. SPace and together when wanted not by lockdown. I love Bryan and hurt. I got bud tonight so stopped crying. Then ICP youtube took my mind to a higher place(JUGGALO ISLAND) A little bit stronger by Sara Evans because im stronger. I didnt go to the 8th floor, self mutilate or hurt anyone else. Nathan raped me in the butt twice. But I poked him in his butt and that taught him a lesson. That hurt he said, my screams he thought meant it felt good. But baths warm and pooping okay. thought id be constipated but used prep h this morn and pooping and okay. Nathan did everything today, I slept all day. Church tomo. Im proud of myself for this decsion. Church being next door I go. I need Jesus. I know that. bedtime. but a crazy month. love, hate everywhere. Bryan's spanish mami died new year eve. I was there, dutch uncle wife. I known ozzy for bout 10 years now. I helped Bryan thru it. Now its passed and I picked him off the ground. Now he can take care himself. I helped him thru that that keeps him loving me. forever. if I was meant to be revenge I passed over that into something strong. But chose Nathan my future with Nathan and our children over the happiness I felt with Bryan. I am strong and am happy with Nathan. life goes on. we are strong together with our own weakenesses. (last two sentences LIES-thought he was behind me reading it) Bryan is hot and brilliant in mind and bed and solid muscle with beer belly and almost perfect teeth. Nathan being nosey now. good night

Nightmaresd all day about crocodiles. WEIRD. Last night weird dream about my sister and her best friend and my LA Michael. Michael Waters, haunted folder name saved yahoo emails. We talk alot. He is a pervert and molested me at 12. Why do u think I tracked him down and chat with him, im mental and dangerous, what happens happens.