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Carmellablack's Journal



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2 entries this month
 

19:10 Jan 26 2009
Times Read: 666


I am not alright, I have a virus in my rectum which has started forming cancer cells and must go see surgeons and gastrosurgeons and doctors and test and IT SUCKS! Charles was proven to lie about his military tales not being in the military, and he went nuts but I ended it he is mad I am sick and pushin him away but he is nuts and pathological about his military chat. I am sick of DRAMA! But I attract to nutcases who attract to me and this happens. I got look at an apartment today I can afford and have my cats and not smoke and have a privater kitchen and bathroom and I am HAPPY! its right around the corner from uncles house and I got awhile b4 the next bus comes to take me there. Jacob and I have been good and he comes to hang out with me at my house at night. I feel depressed and alone about everything, I am so suicidal again but I am not, like thinking about leaving this world but not my kids behind. My kids are beautiful and amazing, my new nephew and niece talk so much baby babble and laugh and smile and cry but its amazing. I am off the depo shot now and not having sex (nov 10 Craig) this year at all, so my body can heal and empty all the toxins and blood in side. I am smoking very lightly now and I have major magraines and lazines too. I am thrilled about moving into my own place $425 a month includes all which leaves me 640-425=215 for my own necessities and phone, I am definitely getting a computer and new bed and new furniture (walmart where else-no renting bs) Home has been the same besides breaking up with Charles sleeping alone wakin up alone and him always callin and show-ing and chat kiss and goodbye. Its my fault adn I am to blame and I pissed him off and I am sad I made him angry but what am I supposed to do pretend, I dont love him, I love Joshua hoping to have the place when Joshua is here and Matt comes home too. Movinh ON he came with his DDT forms 9discharge papers) and yelled at me I said that doesnt prove your stories just that u were in the military. He said sorry it had to end this way left then kept calling, asked for an apology for fucking with his emotions, I apologized hung up and he kept calling back. UHHH! I am waiting to see how my world turns now. I am breaking out (STRESS & WEATHER) I had my wisdom teeth pulled that sucked couldnt eat for a week anything good and couldnt talk and middle of the night woke up in pain. But its done and i am going to get rid of these cancer cells and testing my other body parts not to fix those, We will see what happens, school is going great almost done with Spanish. G2G Happy to inform NEW NEWS!


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01:25 Jan 01 2009
Times Read: 672


HAPPY NEW YEAR


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