The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Okay now let's start from the gecko. Monday spent day with Craig, night with Todd, lame nite, am not attracted to him at all. Tuesday, spent day smoking with Ulyss, his friend Jake, and Jake's sister Megan. Then went an smoked with Jacob and kat. TO find out my goddaughter was in the hospital with pinkeye and really sick from the shelter daycare. Then stared at my cell clock from 9-9:42pm til Craig called. He came about 40 minutes later. I gave him head the entire ride home, wasn't easy, then we went right to his room had sex once before he said " I want to cum in your mouth" he did, and I swallowed it, it was disgusting, but I love him, he was the first and only guy Id do that for. And willingly give head or anal sex too also. Anyway, it was a great night, with him as always. I took a shower this morning, and played with the dog, Cassi, got pics of the cats, and we had sex this morning too, we had sex like 5x in less than 24 hours. BUt I love him and thats the craig update. Dating, Peter, thurs, Orlando, Fri., Joshua, Sat. and Todd might be SUnday. Todd tried to make out with me Monday night, gross, so not interested. I played with his cool cats instead of paying him any mind. Babysitting twins now, they ate, changed em, now they are occupied with spongebob on tv. I am tired. Stac & Skye are not going to be back until late/late. Mom got the twins at 6pm, JAcob thinks i get the chronic at 6 but hes mistaken. I need a friend. DAMN! School is moving along, third shipment will be on its way once ive completed the last two exams. I wrote Bobby a letter, miss him lots sometimes, but he's gone. I am poison to him, his life, career, future, etc.SO we must stay apart unless he writes me or wants to be part of my life. But for some good, we need to drift and maybe he can grow up on his own...Coke&Kayla wasnt my idea of him growing up though. My goddaughter should be coming home soon. WIth her mother's warrants out, Kaitlyn is my godddaughter and her life, and health is graave danger right now alls I can do is pray she comes home. That is all. ILOVEU JENNIFER & MY~BEAUTIFUL~CRYSTAL

ILOVECRAIGTOO LATER

Last night wih Craig was amazing. I gave him a surprise when he picked me up. And he surprised me at his house a lil later. I gave him head all the way home and he came in my mouth, first time for any body and I swallowed it. It was disgusting. I want him to stay with me forever. But it is his decison. I love him. It was a great night full of sex, tickling, relaxation with one another. We woke up at like 8:40 am to have sex but his neck keeps bothering him badly. I took a shower, look good today, then played with Cassi, got pics of all the cats an Cassi. I am babysitting the twins now so I will finish later.

I couldn't sleep last night, nightmares again, but mixed with Craig and I fighting about myself being pregnant and kids from the Christjan school there. Anyway it ruined my sleep. I was up at 7:15 am to go to docs in Prov. with Craig. Yes we had lots of sex, but there was more there again today. He said he loved me outside of sex, he was laughing and smiling too. It was amazing. But I wrote him when I got home I need to know Does he want me as his girl or not??? Because its killing me to live like this, and I have to let him go should he not want to be my man. I have not gottne a response yet but called him to say check your email and think long or hard on it before u respond to it. I got my school and bank paid off too. GREAT! Todd's date was pretty lame. We went got coffee, pizza, Mike's hard berry, went to his house, his cats were the best part of the date/night. They are beautiful. One looks like Garfield with a smaller head and double eyelids that slide up. His name is Griffin. Autumn is Gray and white, and so soft. They loved me right away, we watched part of the punisher before I came home. The day with Craig was amazing. I love him, and he said he loved me back the 10x I said it, even when dropping me off. Todd tried to kiss me but I was not up for it. He is not ugly, not my sexually attractive type either, but I love Craig and he was the only man on my mind today. The night is over, I am exhausted, house is clean, my things almost done, and I am off to bed. I bought cat food, milk, and soda, Took 2 showers today, and thats about it. Kerry called me. That was cool. He tends to alot now. Its welcome when the time is right. G2G nite

Still going through that I want a baby phase, and who'd be the father, but the shot helps that phase stay in my mind and not become an action. LATER

well, yesturday , Todd blew me off so I was upset then Patrick came to the rescue with money but it ended awful for me, last nite did. We bought Mike's, Gordon's Vodka, Jim Bean Whiskey, and a nimph of yagermeister. I had only about 7 shots before I was sick. I threw up chicken wings and whatever else was in me. I lost my glasses, couldn't hold a stog, walk to the bathroom or anything. And was dizzy as help from being drunk and not being able to see. What a night. Havent gotten that drunk since like once uring the first four months of 06, with Jacob&Lacey. I did it this time with Jacob, Kat, and Pat. Patrick carried me out of the house, dont remember but member walking home his arm around me. Woke up at 3am,6am to pee and look for a cold drink with good flavor. It was awful. I feel fine now, slept today but got a long day tomorrow. Craig brings me to the docs in Prov. in the morning, and then todd calls me at 5pm. So that occupies my Monday, but leaves the house a disaster, so i might clean up now take a shower then go to bed. Today slept, smoked, ate junkfood. That's it. Smoked 3x to day, twice with Jac&Kat, once a blunt cruise with Ulyss, and four of his friends. Jake , his sister, Megan, hot chic, reminds me of Kayla, not good, uh driver hot rude 18 year old Andrew, an a James. It was fine I got high, came hoem went to sleep. Woke up with missed calls & texts from Jac&Kat, & Todd. Todd apologized for blowing me off, I apologized for the stalking calls&texts& being pushy. We will hopefully have fun at 5pm tomorrow, I know Craig will not keep me long after my docs apt except to have sex and flee. I still love him, he doesn't love me, he says he misses me, even thats hard to bbelieve, find a new fuck friend, I need to find myself, then a man, not a fuck friend man I love. It would kill me to let him go, but he has got make up his mind, fuck friends or as my man. My life would change but it needs the change. Its not like I can get pregnant, he gives me rides probably to make sure I dont get pregnant with him. He shows he doesn't want me as his girl anymore. I told him "You don't want to be with me forever anymore" he said "let's take it one day at a time" but its like let's fuck once a week or when ever he calls me, and go to the doctors, for how ever long I ilike it, til I meet up with someone else. I stopped stalking him, he is not even thinking of another chance at a relationship just sex once in a while. IT HURTS! I will live, and when I am straight with my life, he's got to come or go. I am not sleeping with another guy, its hard to accept a kiss on the cheek but I got to let him go before it hurtsm e worse than Sean. My book is starting to come along, four pages. Im happy. Thats about it, besides two drunk dreams I will write about later. G2G

Hey...no cleaning today. Spent the afternoon with Peter, wrote Craig a note last nite, basically saying, tell me what u want, me, or sex with me, or to let me go. Sex with me is not forever. But I do love him, I know i have to let him go so I can move on, or be dwelling on him for too long and cause distractions in my life. I can not wait to meet Todd, tomorrow nite, this man that has strange beliefs and wants to travel the US as a truck driver and see haunted sights and villages where monsters, creatures, vampires have left remains or something. Its awesome. I want to go with him. I date still, still miss Craig, still only want Craig, still sleep with no one else. I avoid Jake up the street calls and just see guys to occupy myself, distract my pain, and add some entertainment to my life. Its a free meal, conversation, move, etc. it can be fun or not, doesnt matter, they come & go, Craig can come back though...STUPID ME! To think he loves me, or ever did. I will let him go soon enough, but no other man will be serious or sex for a long time. G2G nosey people

Today , cleaned house, left dishes for my lil sister. Someone took out half the trash, no one has bought garbage bags yet. I hung out at JAnie's today. I don't really like her, my oldest sister, but it was alright. We watched You, Me, And Dupree, smoked two blunts. One was with Kelsey. The other was Ulyss and his friend JAke bought a bag from Kelsey and he blazed it there, I got to keep he leftover, cuz they ran out quick after smoking. It was fun. marky and lil Ronald were playing but i got to see them. Janie is apparently a witness in a court case in Providence. NOT GOOD THOUGH! But she's off to be a witness!!! She has the internet, cable, and her house phone back on so her house is like mine, except her trash doesnt get piled, her dishes do. Its been a long smoking day. I took a nap from like 6-7:48 almost two hours. Kat came over to get a 20 bag but said "we'll call u when Katie goes to school" called a few min ago to come here now, then said never mind wait. I was sleeping fine thanks! ANyway that was today. same shit, wake up, clean house, shower, chilled at Janies, smoked&smoked, came home, hung out, waited with Ket for the chronic, and then nap. Now here, no new emails, feeling very unloved. LATER

Hey, same shit, different day. Cleaned all day. Think Im getting sick again, familys' sick, now me. I got to get up eary, have coffee, clean house and now im sick. I got dates coming up. Spent 2am-9am with Craig Monday morning. He picked me, adn we had sex in his car, then in his bed for over an hour. He didnt even finish, we were both hurting. But it was great. I was tickling him and stuff at his place, before sex there, and he was smiling internally too. His smile outside was real, he was happy being with me. But Confusion kills. I got dates lined up still. Patrick has been a help with money. He has been buying me liquor, stogges and dinner. He might be lending me $400-$500 Friday to help me with my debts too, so I dont go to jail or lose my school and cellphone. I HOPE IT WORKS OUT! I LOVE CRAIG STILL, though I am seeing other people. This young man, I know him from years back, Christian school my mom's evil chuch, and he just hit me up on myspace. I mention it cuz there is a long funny odd story to this gentleman, his family, and our friendship. His name is Kerry, he is 20 now, and in the nAtional Guard in Alaska, we ran into eachother at walmart one day, I was 15-16, (dating the david, only black guy ive ever been with worked there,) and he tried making out with me, daying he loved me. I love Kerry a lot but that was a lil scary and shocking. I dated his brother long awhile before that, but it came fast and out of nowhere. He left telling me he loved Amy, pastors daughter ad slut of the church, and I told him I was pg about to have an abortion. He said he made a vow to God he couldnt be with someone who did that. I said ok. But then he was in love with AMy, made me sick. He just hit me up on myspace, we havent spoken in a few years. WOW! Funny when and how things will hsow in your life. But Peter this cop, seems awesome, and I like him , i just dont want to love anyone else. I LOVE CRAIG, thats who I want to be with, everyone else is dinner, movie, money getting spent on me, and company during a good time. I only want to have sex with Craig. Its funny, I have to blow off some guys who want to call to have sex because I can not allow myslef too. Only two more essays for English 1 which is cool. UHHH, medicall was shut off, stupid doctors fault, but will be handled immediately. SSI will be available for me by Mar.5 hopefully. Nothin else, good night.

I had a good dream last night, I smoked so it helped I think. I had a dream I was at the Woman & Infants clinic I go for my birth control shots and check ups there,dream begins-" my sister, Stacy, niece's mom, 21yearold, had triplet girls there. She was laying behind the secretary desk on two flat beds, my angel Joryn by her side, and three beautiful lil girls there. Stacy said come around and I help one. Then the dream was over. But she looked so happy with those kids there."-dream ends Its real amazing, things you dream about. I woke up early, waited for everyone to leave, Yachin was sleeping, cleaned house, now writing, then be showerin and going for a walk..Later for now

ILOVEU JENNIFER & MY~BEAUTIFUL~CRYSTAL

Well I cleaned the house today except the kitchen yet. I slept in real late. Oven door is fixed. Craig gave me a hicky, HE MARKED ME! Jake R. was considering giving me another chance and he saw the mark before I knew it was there. I said" I dont care, its from Craig, I love him" Another crazy nightmare..."Coyotes going crazyin town...First, im in front of the miantonomi park, see one in the distance, checking itout, but another pops up close and starts chasing me, some chubby kid and someone else. Then running down past Newport Heights and coyotes following me. I take off my shoes, it tries to snap at me, I try banging its jaw in with my shoe. Vehicles driving by, trying to get someone's help or attention. Nope they are out of town with the coyote takeover. Then I am with my niece and lil sister running from em. Then im with mom and them two. Mom's driving a car. Coyotes everywhere. My passenger door falls off, they are trying to grab me, or hop in. Just bang em with the shoes. Then we stop the car put the kids in the trunk and leave a note hoping someone will come help them. There is a sliding door in the back seat that leads to the trunk, tell my lil sister to close it, keep it closed. It was so crazy...Dream Over" I called Craig last night and yelled at him for marking me, he said "so" no "not so, we are not together" but its im so I dont really care. He said " are you really mad at me" all innocent and sad, "no" I replied all stupid because its him. I cant tell him "Owe well I have dates coming up so those look real bad" Our relationship is getting better, unless he found out I was seeing other people or something. Since I told him Bobby and I stopped talking at all and now Bob's in jail, we see eachother more often. But a few of my friends say "its just to fuck you", it seems like that too. I want to sleep next to him, hold him, other things than sex, etc. But I have to wait...

LATER Got to shower

Well I tried to write last night and was booted out. So much to say. Craig and I are not a couple but still sleeping together. I slept with Joshua twice, and he goes bcack to NY this week. I slept with Tom on New years Day. I miss Craig all the time. We see eachother once a week now almost every week to sleep together and then I just come home. He puts his arm around me all lovingly and kisses me good bye but I can not read his mind or his heart. His eyes are always soft and gentle unlike any guy's I have ever seen. I love him, but does he love me? He took me to the docs today, needed forms signed to extend my medical. (til my SSI goes through) I have a bunch of new friends. Jake R., met him through Patrick, met on myspace, Tom, Douglas Jason sexy young manwith a job and knows responsibilities (date Sunday), Peter (date Friday), Jay, engineer from Cranston(he's not my type thoguh, but makes money) I met a lot of new guys, but still hang and talk to Jacob & Ulyss. I talk to Jennifer and Crystal alot more often too. I had a dream Sunday night bout "going by ambulance to Newport Hospital, then in a room there, the doc says its a girl, I held a baby girl. I fed her, burped her, and felt her. She was beautiful. Stacy, my mom, and Craig's mother were there, I named her in my dream too, same name I would name my daughter with Craig. Geneille Elaine Manchester. " I cried waking up becasue it hurt to see her and feel her then wake up with the fact, she doesn't exist at all. Bobby's in jail for awhile, got caught stealing tampons. We drifted a part when I was with Craig, didnt notice til Craig left me. Bobby hit the bar almost every night, after Christmas, starting hanging with his ex coke head hoe Kayla, started doing coke too. He lost any of thoser smart marbles he had. Now his folks blame me for that and my mom does too. Talking to Matt, my brother in lock up helps a lot. Ernie and I write eachother again too.(best friend for 8 years in Iraq) Hectic! Long! Craig and I slept together today. I gave him head for like longer that ever before(GROSS) but I do it because I love him and it makes him happy. He loved it of course. I told him I loved him, he smiled said come here and kissed me real gently, like never did that before, but didnt say it back! Well catch up since Christmas. Holidays Sucked. Brett got a girlfriend, better mood now...To end on good note, Take Jordyn to library, she loves it, we walk, and talk, and she knows we have to be quiet, she wants to go again so I might do that tonight, depends on the weather, and if I can get a library card to go on the computer (rule since January 1,2007) LATER Family's doing good, Chris & Anne Marie split, she lives at uncle ray's so I call him rarely now. If not only in the morning. They eat his food, keep him up til 11pm, makes me mad... Anyway, I have to deal with it. Next Apt with Craig I know of is January 29, Providence check up at W&I with Dr. Trish Occonell but those have seemed good so far. LATER