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December 21st we did break up. It wasn't official to me, because his words were complicated and not blunt. He left me a few days before Christmas. I gave him an his family all there gifts. His family gave me mine, Craig didn't. I wanted to know what he got me, to under stands the likes/dislikes of my personality. He is gone. I am sad, I have been. I will be alright. I am staying high, occupied, distracted, and happy for Christmas. I LOVE HIM, BUT HE'S GONE. I will live. Merry Christmas an Happy Holidays to all. What to do? I am just being grateful for my family an the gifts I received. Some people receive nothing. I want Craig for Christmas...Any luck on that present coming a lil late, Santa, God? Merry Christmas.

Well sleep has been rough and I dont know why. Craig & I are still together but not for long, I know. I am not stupid, we havent had sex in four days. For him somethings wrong, "im hurting" was bullshit, probably had a chic coming over or something, had to get me home so fast. Maybe NOt. Doesnt matter. Saw Sexy Justin last night at WalMart. OMG! took my breathe away(always does) but took my mood away too. Ran in to an old HighSchool friend.Only guy I ever bothered with in school,(madeout with him in the foreign language department) then he moved. Hefound me on myspace, an we will be meeting up b4 he goes back to Albany,NY to college...hes in the army now too. then talked to Raven til 4am on the phone. Jennifer makes me feel better too, she doesnt even know. She makes me happy, helping her, being able to talkl to her, and giving me a purpose to wake up, help her ,and be strong. I tell her everyday to stay strong, I guess I tell myself now that I tell her too. LAter Exhausted....Christmas shopping done.

Well, slept late. No got up at 8:16am then stayed up to check on payday and uncle ray & things. Then went back to sleep at 9:20 til 11, tossed & turned til 12:30, not im up for th day. I am supposed to finish Christmas shopping today. I am hoping to do so. I am hoping to have money left over. I have extras like owe Stace $12, uncle's shopping $7, min/stogs $31, total now is like $150, I am afraid I am going to be missing something. supposed to buy a dime, supposed to buy this,& do that!!! CRAZY payday before Christmas!!! Later money at like 3:20 pm & night out with liquor and pot with friends...Hopefully a good fucking Night...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE

ILOVEYOU JENNIFER&CRYSTAL

I woke up at 6am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep til 7:30-8am. Weird dreams too. But the wake up calls by the mind are bothering me. Jennifer is my lil joy. Helping her grpw & stay happy makes me happy, she may be my purpose for still being here. I am buying her a cd for christmas 2. Hopefully there is money left over after probation,court,school, stogges, minutes, Craig & fam, Bob's dad & the twins. SO hopefully we are completed. I want a new purse. I want a lot of things though. Clothes, socks,shoes, panties, bras, etc. skirts too. Crazy Chick Phase for new tihngs...But not anytime soon. Later Food will be here shortly. Pizza & grinders, IM STARVING!

I woke up at 6:30am & got out of bed. Walked to the hospital at 7:22am, but my Craig was gone. He didn't go to my house to pick me up or call...I am sad, and a lil pissed. I will get over it. I want him to make plans for us one day and say "Sorry you didnt call, im going out with my friends" he probably wouldn't care...it never phases him. I don't believe he loves me. Its alright, I don't believe I love him. We never say it to eachother. Only that once. The day after my 20th birthday. Jacob's out doing something. Bigger issues, Bobby's brother, has caused me other issues too. I am not going to Bobby's for Christmas which is also his birthday( his mother is a bitch, and Alex put his .02 in on me that was very negative). Bobby's 21st birthday. SAD! I had a lousy 20th birthday, so without me there, he will have a awful 21st birthday. I am angry...His mother and his brother...I am slashing the TAURUS' tires, the car which only Alex drives, so its no damage to any one else cept dad's wallet. Well doesn't bother me when he has to side with his wife against me. Its ok, as long as I get Bob's check to pay my bills, and get my errands run, I will be fine. I think I will be. I couldn't imagine losing Bobby, without him at all, not including the money, or car, or laundry. I love him. He has been my best friend for almost 4-5 years & we have been through some hard shit together. His brother put his nose in where it shouldn't have gone against me. OH NO little boy, big mistake!!! slashing tires, yes...if I can't hit him with out going to jail. Then that is a bigger problem. I do not want to go to jail, at all, ever, for any reason, for a few minutes, mine as well a few weeks...But I love Bobby at all. Almost did a few times b4 with drama, drugwhores, dutch, jail, crimes, etc. I will not ever allow anything to happen where he will alk out of my life again...Later

Craig is sleeping, Fuck Me, home & aggravated.

Hey Had a great day & night, because I am HIGH and had a good night, and morning with my man and had a good evening with Jacob except he didn't get to smoke tonight, I did, and Bobby didn't so Jacob being the pot head and lonley angry without his daughter right now was a lil PISSED...with katie but pointed it at me, then said jenn's bull and when we learn "cuz katie was smirking." Anyway, he was like " i cant handle this f**king drama and I cant handle this F**king bulls**t anymore" I have a headache from everytime JAcob has said Lacey's name or jenn's name every day since we saw each other at Dunkin Donuts and I gave him my damn cell number. I should change mine, cuz he's changing his and I can be a bitch, he wants to be immature but I cant change mine for another six months...He is immature too, but game crazy because of the army, and a mental wreck cuz Lacey an dhis mom etc, potless...But im happy and high. And fate brought me this year, good things, school, a man, jennifer, and has allowed me to accept my self outside, could always accept my inside.

GOOD NIGHT

Well im at Craig's house. We talked out my lil issues. He is now at Nate's dealing with a problem there. The problem earlier was helping out Dan not a major Dana issue. But I sucked it up and listened. Now im home alone (here with out him) I watched See No Evil starring Kane, loved it. Awesome ending, not scary but gooey movie. And Its KANE or Glenn JAcobs and I LOVE HIM! GOOD NIGHT

Well Craig and I got back together the day after my birthday. I had bob bring me to his house(but he doesn't know bob brought me) and we made upi andhad lots of make up sex. I told him I love him, but I don't believe myself. I know there is something good there, but can't out my finger on it as love. He is over an hour late from picking me & going out to eat too. I have one stog left and want to get high. I am very upset. If I was an hour late getting to him...he'd say hey babe like nothing was wrong. But the night he said he came and I dont think he did, he might play tonight but I was outside for the hour tonight. SO I AM A LIL UNHAPPY. Things are not going well right now. I want to cut myself or be high all the time. I go for my tattoo tomorrow though, I am so happy. Siberian tiger head with Uncle Ray under it.I am a lil nervous too. Trying to look at the positive but I am so upset about the shit im going through with Craig. What am I going to do about it? I have to tell him to compromise or its over. Not that easy when I said yesturday "ILOVEYOU" and I told him I meant it. OMG! I made a mistake saying that though. I wonder if the hour it takes him to get here is because he is sleeping with someone else or doing something he shouldn't be. DANA? Is suppposed to be a man with serious issues about to got 2 prison for life or 20-25 years . IS DANA EXIST, if so does the story match Dana? OH GOD! I need help...NOW. I want to jump off a frigging bridge. Well G2G Later

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOGAN HARKIN

Today is my 20th birthday. HOW HAS I BEEN? Let's see last night, slept at Craig's on his living room couch. we fought all night. I went to bed at like 1:30am & he cuddled me, his type of apology, I think. I wouldn't let him touch me sexually laast night at all. We had sex this morning then were fighting right after before we had our clothes on. Then we came to Newport, IHOP for breakfast, my house, smoked(while he watched football in my room) then he was in a rush to leave. I said NO. he started fingering me "let's go for a ride" trying to seduce me to leave. I didn't give in. We started fighting,. Then I called Bobby to drop off my gift , run errands,& bring me & Sue to Joshua's gravestone. He freaked out and left. I was so sad, but being high kept me from crying. He ruined my high. He said "call him when im done with my shit" not those exact words. Now he's not answering the phone. NICE RIGHT? HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!

He got laid this morning, no other use to be stuck at her house now. there's one of her presents, LATER. I am so sad, and mad, but sad. Bob's present was a bag of Lindt chocolates, and a package that is coming late, a dagger I used to have that starred in the movie Spiderman 2( the dagger Harry through the mirrors to find the hobgoblin costume. I will have it again. COOL! Jordyn,SAndra & mommy are making my party. I wish Craig was here though. Bob did what was needed then off to work. Now Craig's not answering the phone or sleeping...

I should call from another phone sos he don't know the number,but why be sneaky? If he's going to diss me on my birthday, we are DONE and he can return all gifts to replace a piece of the damage im going to do to his car...IM PISSED & HEARTBROKEN!!! LATER

HAPPY 20TH FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TOO

JOSHUA MICHEAL MORRIS

12/12/1986-06/12/1993

I talked to Sean and Raven til 3am this morning. It kills me. I love him still. He is in Korea and we are better apart with our emotions told through letters instead of voices. I saw him on webcam too. Taralee is misbehaving as usual. Married now yet is up to no good with Alucard. He says I love you on her myspace comments and to get through a divorce simple & quick...BAD GIRL, she always has been...someone's going to have a broken heart....soon...I will always love Raven, as my Father, my King, and my Lord...I miss him and the family so much. He has given me orders to watch the birds, but find my inner strength on my own without any other immortals nearby...I love Sean as well, as my love, my husband, and the man I will never let go of...But we have moved on even though he says he loves me, I love him too but we are far apart in our own worlds,countries, lives...G2G Dating a sailor Anthony, just coffee and conversation...Craig will not know anyway...The only other man I will sleep with is Sean, because he is the only man I have ever made love too. G2G

Hey just another day. At Craig's, he's working. I have not been added to Maliki or Alucard or RJ's friend's list on myspace yet...I am a lil sad. but it could be for the better. I always had a good friendship with Alucard. I miss him, he's still a sexy little devilish boy... Wonder what he's doing with his life. MAliki looks terrible, all hairy faced...Got to tell Lil Jess I found him here, she looked up to him and she's about to have a baby. I am good with life right now. Haven't talked to Sean or Tara. And Dutch just showed up in town...Like alll my past wants to wreck my life now, or im meant to live in complete misery ciz I am stupid...I WONDER ALL THE TIME... I CAN MAKE IT because I made it this far...I can help myself make it farther...GOOD LUCK TO ME

AND my birthday's in two days...YEAH...

Things are going alright. OMG!!! There has been a somewhat clan reunion online. Raven, & Taralee & myself reunited. Taralee finding me, myself finding Raven. I found Maliki, Alucard, & Wolfy also but haven't received contact from them at this time. It is crazy...Right around the holidays when we lived together s one family...

Happy Holidays. I know mine will be...





As for Craig, we are fine, we have so much sex we don't have time to cheat on one another. He thought for a second I slept at Jake's house.( I said I did, but lied) He was like "what? tell me really where you slept? Did you really sleep at this dude's house?" I was like "NO" And to top it off, Dutch is in town so I want to get out of town. DRAMA, DON'T NEED IT, CRAIG OR ME...

But he's coming so we will be straight. Later

I am in a better mood, got to get almost all my Christmas shopping done. I only don't have bobby's fam, or my twin nephews. Everyone else complete. Craig is partly. I need to get my natural seexy pics done and might buy him a family guy sweatshirt with Stewie's head in the middle of crossbones. I might not have the extra money though. And I got to get Sandra a journal set, (just popped up) I got Marky & Jordyn dancing hamsters, my uncle ray a gay porn magazine and a cat poster. I got Craig a new hot poster, chick in bikini (blond) , bobby 2 pairs of sparkling boxers. (SEXY, hate the dull ones) Mommy a heart necklace, Yochin, our adopted brother, RUSH HOUR 1&2, (dude loves movies) Janie,Stacey,&Skye hot bathing sets. I am so upset with Craig, but I am still doign his Christmas stuff. He as supposed to be here, I called him an hour later, said he honked outside, didn't call or come upstairs though? and after 10 minutes left, cuz he was running out of gas & left his wallet @ home. So I hung up, he didn't call back, neither did I...Its ok, I was bout to go cheat on him again...but I didn't. But I think tonight he cheated on me. His story doesn't make sense at all. He usually calls from his cell...I dont think he came anyway...I am so mad at him...and now he could be cheating...

I will be alright though. If he cheats, we are even he dont even know i cheated...so sweet but I G2G I am in a good mood...though...I LOVE CHRISTMAS more than my birthday which is DEC12 next week...

I am staying with Craig, and not telling him a thing about it. I am doing it not to hurt him. I am taking out my own selfishness and looking in to his eyes and smile to see I wish to not cause him any more pain from which his life and heart have endured. I leave Jake behind as well. He was an open window of temptation that now wishes to cause drama, or chaos, or ruin my reputation, or hurt me, or something. I do not trust Jake. Though he has his good qualitites, he is bad. I wish to be happy again. I give a girl advice on happiness. How when I can not find it again??? I found it before, maybe I can transfer it to her. She is just a child, and needs happiness instead of sadness, emotional strain, or confusion, or heartache, or pain piling on and on on top of her self. I can help her. Maybe that will make me happy. Maybe my birthday will make me happy, I don't know. My school or shopping for others christmas gifts...I Dont know... I just wait... Bye for now



My birthday is December 12, next Tues.

Life is okay now. I cheated on Craig already. He doesn't know. I can't tell him. It kills me but I did it, no one else. Jake knew I had a boyfriend. But he is a great guy too. He listens to country, sings it loud with me, and understands it. He also knows my entire family...(BAD FACT TO ME) but I smoked a few blunts with him and we had a great time together. I will hang out with him again. I also got my monthly frigging friend last night so I don't even have to sleep with him for a lil while. He is a great seducer though. I like him a lot. he is not bad looking. PROBLEM: He is not Craig, not someone I see myself spending the rest of my life with...Craig is...Telling Craig I lost him...but it is his choice, his freedom and I shouldn't take that from him. I did having sex with him last night. (Craig) which totally causes more problems when I cheated the night before. (Sounds horrible i know, never can be faithful) I thought Craig was special to me, and in some ways he is, but wasn't that damn special. I am a selfish child. I am going to lose one of the best things to happen to me...by opening one window of opportunity and not closing it when I should have like everyone else. STUPID ME! I must reap the consequences but I will move on. We have already gone christmas shopping for eachother, made baby plans(if accidental), valentines plans, apartment and new car plans. I told him he's going to stay with me forever, but funny thing is I fucked up BIGGER than he ever would have. Jake was temptation, a test failed, and temptation is great for a little while but then deadly because it takes the permanent things in your life away...I am killing myself here,and about to kill the best thing in my life, Craig, a man with brains in the head on his shoulders, and a career and a heart... I G2G but results will be in



But the truth can stay covered for a lil bit, without hurting anyone...Right???



How funny is it he thinks im writing how boring he is because he is sick and that I want to kill him and suck his blood....When in all honesty I know he will want to kill me and we will be over PERMANENTLY EVERYTHING! I am so sorry & sad but that doesn't mean anything anymore when it comes to cheating.... I AM SORRY CRAIG

BUT I DON'T REGRET MEETING JAKE EITHER...

That is me always stuck witrh my heart on two guys...STUPID ME SELFISH ME! I wnat to cut off all my hair and take 100 pills again...but that wouldnt heal anything....LATER FOR NOW