The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Life is empty for me. I just want my school work back or at least a job, but without the $300 right now, no schoolwork for me, and with SSI coming I cant get a job or Ill hurt my SSI benefits (medical and cash benefits) I do the same stuff everyday. I wake up, take my meds, clean my house, shower, meditate, library, nap, study, study, shower, maybe a lil tv then bed again. It really is boring. I usually go with my sister Skye on her daily/morning errands til 2pm when my sister Stacey gets off work then to the library. I need some excitement or something. I want to go to NY theres some excitement, but need $100 $52 to get there and back and the other to play with for bud, min and stoges. I hate being broke, I emailed my school theyd be paid in full bu May 1st which is in two days, no way $300 is popping in my lap in two days. I am so sad and bored. My Lord and Lady give me some excitement and maybe some cash to help pay for my schoolwork... BLESSED BE

Carmella Black

So Craig and I are done for good. Thurday he came to see me, and I told him no sexual activity at all, to prove he loves me and go without sex. How that worked out, he went down on me then we had great sex, I came 4 times, adn he came in me(for the 1st time) then he left after holding me for a lil while. then he cancelled fridays plans on friday, I called him a bunch of times, texted him, he turned off his phone, said fine its done no coming back. He loved the sex not me, sex was his last priority I was never a priority. I am ok, stronger than I thought Id be but what can I do? Life goes on. Should I get pg now what the hell! but not a chance on the depo...I am sad, becaue im alone but ill be ok. I got 8Grand coming my way, with a new beginning for myself, he'llc all back and he lost me, I love him, but he proved he dont love me. He said it to get what he wanted, and I always gave in with those words in my ear. Now he wont get the chance to whisper in my ear again. I cant wait for my moneyt, car, new life to start, in June but soon you know. Patience damn I got to learn it. Besides Craig news, everyone is ihiring, housekeeping etc so I got a chance to distract my self from loneliness.

Lots more time for me, reading etc.



Blessed Be

Well I got my morning routine finished, plus meditation and a lil wicca study. I got to fill out a job application and need to call thurs. One Stop Supply. I need to go tomorrow to fill out another app on East Main. I got a $50 credit card and I want nice Eblens sneakers, but Sandra needs sneakers too.(the 2-4 pairs we have dont fit and are old.) I need minutes which is $16, subtract from $50 is $34 so Payless shoes for both of us. Its temporary but my cute lil walmart clothes look nice except the dirty shoes that dont match. Soon I will have money, for my debts, lawyer, clothes, teeth, contacts, and car. Soon enough. Carmella

I have a theft problem. I call it a clepto addict-ion. So after robbing 4 stores yesturday (not getting caught) I told my mom to help me. I am afraid I will get caught soon and go to jail (prob- lems I have legally already will send me to jail on $1 G PR and $10 G PR fpr district and superior court in Newport. NO NO NO! I stole 3 things of cat med. (fleas, mites, and worms- love my cats and they just got summer stuff-but been cleaning their ears regularly. I robbed Barnes&Noble of books, and some boxes of dragon oracle, dragon tarot, and temporary tribal tattoos. I stole mad clothes, incense and a huge purse to put it all in from Walmart (couldnt breathe, worse place to steal from with cameras and sec. everywhere.) Then to Stop & Shop for home necessities and candle oils, plug ins Febrezze. I got to keep it, but mom says talk to Nikki(counselor) and she'll go shopping with me for now on. I am happy I got clothes but jail is not an option for me, ever, one night at Newport Police station told me no more trouble with the law (its always been since now-"NO more getting caught breaking the law) Craig, who's he? My overnight working man who wants to see me have sex and be gone to his priorities (im not one, I know) and regular schedule. I am bout to trip up to NYC to see my Cezar, sleep with him, get love and attention,smoke mad weed, have stogges, and maybe min-hes been broke keeping low from police(drugdealing, DUH) but he got some bucki now. I miss him so much, I miss Craig and love him but he lives 15 min away and I see him now once every two weeks. Jobhunting still, not going bad, should have an interview with Del's lemonade sometime this week. I miss Crystal too, we talk between like 12-2 in the mornign when she answeers her cell

. She works online for a traveling agency. Overnights mostly. I lvoe her. She is a real woman, who shouldnt have problems, I look at her as an angel-very blond, bright eyed beauty with respect, common sense, responsibilty, kids first then job bills and life. Ohio is an experience I will never forget (hasnt happened, as soon as I get my money and some bills paid for. Later

Carmella

I am so sad, I am sad because I miss craig whos not arpund and hasnt called me in awhile. He texted me for the first time to say he had strep and hed call me @ midnight form work. He cant go to work with strep(cna who takes care of the sick & dying) He never texted me before either and I think he had another reason for doing so. i believe he lied and now he just blows me off. I know when he declines me, im not stupid, and I know when he ignores my calls let them go 3 rings to machine. Nothing I can do, life goes on, got to go study psychology & meditate. tummy hurts g2g

Carmella

Everything is flying by now. My money around the corner and my tarot reading and a psychic reading online says the money will benefit me, my debts, my future, my self. I must pay attention I am told to be happy bcuz negativity could send my gifts or luck away.Craig has been absent, I refuse to call him now. I am starting biologically psycvhology now, it is easier to work with then the everything psychology book. I found a coven in Rehobath Mass...The godess watches over me, a cashier at the bank told me when she saw my pentacle. I was so happy got to get in touch with this coven...Looking for a job too with not much luck...Playing two dollar lottery tickets to win some money now.

I slept with mikey once then he was gone, because of his damn cousin I dated 7 years ago. Craig just called me, I havent called him, & hope fully we will see eachother tomorrow early morn ing. The last two nights I didnt sleep now I need to stay up tonite 2 sleep next to him tomo dont know if it will happen. Nightmares all night, weird cuz it kept repeating itself with different outcomes sometimes and the same some times. Weird but scary. I scream in my dream to wake up but I dont. So I have been reading alot of books, studying more too but not everyday. I want to smoke everyday but that doesnt happen either. I need to open another checking acct the other one closed, and need to do that soon so I can receive my retro direct deposit. I am thrilled bout the money but so confused, my retro doesnt pay all my bills and the 5-600 month after doesnt cover monthly payments either, looking for an under the table job already in dailynews. thurs nite, im going to nap and read and maybe watch a movie probably cartoon. LATER I am depressed and believe I feel uncle is depressed too but not sure...On to petrageous to play with Tara, beautiful colored parrot who loves attention...

The year is flying already. I got SSI, court hearin tomorrow and I will have money in a month or less. I am thrilled to pay off my past debts and school and Cort Chapelle, Doc Derrolf, and vacation, clothes shopping, car etc. I have been good since Craig and I have gotten stronger. But temptation lies in open, I called Skyes cousin Mikey to hang out and he said tonight, unfortun ately I just want to smoke his weed and thats it. I have to tell him I have a boyfriend, and that will probably change his attitude or h'll still try and sleep with me.. Whatd I do to myself... I just want to smoke some weed. And I am sick, no tastebuds, itchy and scratchy throat, and stuffy nose. ILOVECRAIG whats wrng with me??? that I can do what I want and want his to stay? I cant have Craig and play games at the same time. DAMN ME! This is all part of being a borderline, alone, want to smoke and do risky things to smoke...and be out of reality. LIFE SUCKS> I hate being borderline, will I ever be nnormal enough to raise my kids well and be a good wife??? I dont know what else to say ...

April Fools DAY sucked cept I had sex with Craig and went home and to sleep on cloud 9...