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Dear Mum,

I haven't slept for days. Finding that girl's ribbon on my patio really did a number on me. At first, I thought it was great, I have a hot chick who wants to at least be my friend. I began to wonder, though, how long had she been lurking outside of my apartment?

The tapping was something I'd heard for at least a few months now, intermittently. Had I imagined it all along, or had it been her? If it was Julia, it was actually a little creepy. I only saw her for the first time after the tapping had been going on a while. Home doesn't feel safe anymore.

During my time off I've been sitting in my Civic in the grocery store parking lot, waiting to see if she would come by again. I almost dozed off a couple of times, but the harsh sunlight always seemed to find me, keeping me awake.

I once saw an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where something was keeping the whole Enterprise crew from getting any sleep. They started turning psycho on each other.

I'm beginning to feel that way now, except I don't have anyone to go psycho on. Jeremy doesn't come around regularly enough for me to bother with. He'd outrun me anyway.

At work, I got written up for letting some shoplifters go without at least trying to stop them. I couldn't really think, I watched those guys walk right out with a cart full of groceries. I didn't care. Still don't. All I can think about is the return of the tapping on my window.

When I'm not at work, I've been sitting up all night, every night, hugging my bat, listening for the tapping to return. It hasn't though.

This is no way to live.

Dear Mum,

The other day I stopped in at the Buymore to pick up a TV to replace the one Jeremy bashed in. The clerk was irritating. He kept pushing those sexy smart TVs on me, but all I wanted was a regular old dumb TV. He explained they would have to order something like that since they don’t carry them in stock anymore; everybody wants the smart ones.

I told the clerk I don’t like watching a TV that can watch me back, and I could tell he was visibly holding back some strong criticism of my paranoia. He finally indulged me and led me to the open box section in the very back of the store.

I ended up leaving with a plasma screen TV from 2011 for a thousand bucks. No real smart features to speak of, and I thought it was a pretty good deal since I would have spent over four grand on it back in the day. The clerk was glad to get it out of inventory after all that time, too. A win for everyone, I guess.

I had Jeremy help set the TV up when I finally got home, the douche. Admittedly, I was glad he did, since I’d likely have pulled a shoulder if I tried to lug that beast around by myself. He offered to hang out and watch X-Files on it “to break it in,” but I wanted to be alone that night. I did put on the X-Files, though.

The episode got to the part where Scully gets confused and asks Mulder what’s going on, only for Mulder to give her some crap lab assignment while he runs off to have adventures. That’s when I heard it: tap-tap-tap-tap… tap-tap-tap-tap.

I paused the show and sure enough, I heard it again. I grabbed the aluminum bat I keep stashed under the front of the couch. It gave me confidence that I could handle whoever was on the other side of the patio door. I held the bat over my shoulder, ready to deliver a mean downstroke, and flung the dangling plastic blinds to the side. Darkness. Empty darkness.

I flipped the porch light on and stepped onto the patio to take a better look around. I’m not crazy; I know I heard someone tapping my glass. I saw nothing but a grassy field for hundreds of yards out, and no one along the side of the building.

On my way back inside I noticed something: a faded, pink lace ribbon lying on the patio. I picked it up, determined to save it as a clue.

I resumed the show, hugging the bat the way soldiers cradled their M-16’s in war movies. The episode reached the part where Mulder sees definitive proof of the aliens but they escape just in time for Scully to barge in and miss them. It hit me then. I’ve seen the pink ribbon before, on Julia.

I slept on the couch that night.