Every Thing I Need To Know I Learned From Anita..03:15 Mar 16 2008
Times Read: 1,081
Don't date vampires, kill them.
When the going gets tough, the tough start shooting the bad guys (or cracking jokes).
When the going gets really tough, the tough call Eddy.
Don't judge by appearances: Nicholas may look like a child, but she's still a 1000 year old master vampire; and Edward may look innocent, but he isn't.
The Executioner is shorter than you expect.
Older vampires don't flash fang.
Just because you're human doesn't mean you aren't one of the monsters.
Vampires aren't just people with fangs.
Zombies have rights too.
If you're going to torture someone, remember to take away their belt.
Just because someone can walk around in the daylight, doesn't mean they aren't a walking corpse.
The monsters aren't always the bad guys.
Never waste a really good threat.
Taking the Master of the City along as backup is like using a Thermonuclear Device to kill ants.
Looking a vampire in the eye is a no-no.
You meet the most interesting people at freak parties.
It's okay to sleep with a stuffed animal when someone is trying to kill you.
You get a zillion Brownie points for retaining consciousness when someone pours holy water on a vampire bite.
Cemeteries are for the living.
You can get Lycanthropy from the vaccine.
Just because someone's your friend, don't assume they won't torture you if they have to.
Be careful, vampires and werewolves can smell fear.
If your name is Bruno, you will be a bodyguard.
Be specific, saying "Raise the dead" does leave room for misinterpretation.
Just because someone isn't a predator, doesn't mean they aren't a killer.
Silver bullets don't work on the Sidhe.
What you don't know CAN hurt you.
What you do know can hurt you too.
If you take death to a party, expect things to get a little messy.
The older the zombie, the bigger the death needed to raise it.
It is VERY unusual for a human servant to survive its Master.
An immortal species cannot become extinct.
An atheist with a cross is a truly pitiful sight.
Blood washes out in cold water.
Vampires can get pissy if they want to.
Most vampires hide their coffins.
Beating a person to death can be very satisfying under certain circumstances.
There are worse things than becoming a vampire.
If you have to be anyone's property, go with people you know.
Shotguns and silver nitrate are the latest vogue for vampire killings.
Overalls are very useful for keeping blood away from your clothes.
Screaming is for when you don't have anything better to do.
You can't sneak up on a vampire.
The dead make no noise.
If you put small animals in a glass container and throw it against the wall, you will get diced small animals.
Guilt is a wonderful motivator.
Revenge is a great motivator too.
Even a run of the mill werewolf can smell desire.
Pain can help break vampire's control.
Even the newly dead hear better than most dogs.
Illusion is everything.
The older vampires get, the more unpleasant they become.
Even small vampires have sharp fangs.
Cars are no fun. They don't bleed.
If you have to go head to head with a giant poisonous snake, the chances are it is magical too.
Most modern guns can shoot under water.
If you are not ashamed, you don't have to look away.
Really expensive suits can hide all manners of sins.
Most murderers are stupid.
People generally see what they want to see.
Paranoia is just another name for longevity.
If your husband cheats on you, make sure that he is the one who goes missing.
People who are big, leather clad, metal-studded, and have pointed teeth tend to be very intimidating.
People tend to notice zombie smell in the elevator.
Satanists are bad guys, right?
If you want to kill someone, don't draw it out. You could end up in the box.
Zombies can get vindictive too.
There are many different types of undead.
The line between good and evil is not very sharp in voodoo, but it is still there.
It is possible to capture a soul in a bottle.
Glazer Safety rounds don't go through walls.
The police do not use Glazer rounds.
Their bullets DO go through walls.
They don't get issued silver bullets either.
Never forget who your enemies are.
The best way to deal with your enemies is to outlive them.
If you are in love with a werewolf, stay the heck away from him on the lupinar.
Treachery transcends all boundaries.
Never take your attention from a vampire in front of you to glance at werewolf at the back of you.
If you are dressed like 'Barbie goes bondage' you can be either embarrassed or aggressive. The choice is yours.
Always get out of the way of a charging werewolf.
Zombies without bosses tend to eat people.
Rats are not all bad.
If you french kiss a vampire, you risk lip and tongue injury.
You can get pregnant by a vampire. Protection is a must.
Insane people are often dangerous.
Insane people with big guns are always very dangerous.
Death is often a matter of choice.
Being eaten alive is one of the ten ways NOT to go.
Struggling is exciting.
Jealous vampires tend to get extremely unpleasant.
Everyone has secrets.
If you are dating a vampire and your family does not know, it may not be wise to show up with him on national TV.
People always lie to the police.
Killing by magic gets you death penalty, even if it is in self-defense.
Life is tough and the universe is not fair.
Yes, it is as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Be careful what you wish for, and especially ask for.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do.
That weapon is your friend.
Even if you are a monster, you can still be someone's meat.
Even in a three-thousand dollar suit, help is just help.
Be careful in the application of your makeup.
Everyone is cannon fodder. Eventually.
Lamia bites are poisonous, whether or not it is a full lamia.
Vampires are not truly immortal, even when they think they are.
Even a small dog can be useful in saving your life.
Always wear BLACK Nikes to murder scenes.
Nikes are good for slippery rocks.
Sometimes childish will get you what you want.
If someone has been completely skinned and is not dying, then that someone is immortal.
Even if you are brave, the monsters can still kill you.
Never touch what goes into your mouth with the hands that touched a corpse.
Never touch you hair or your clothes on the murder scene. You'll get blood on them.
Zombie raising is hard on your clothing.
Jeans and sneakers do not inspire confidence as a ceremonial get up.
Don't pet sacrificial goats.
People are reluctant to sell you animals for a sacrifice, even if they will gladly sell them for meat.
No woman can ever find anything in her purse in under twelve minutes. It's a rule.
Being short doesn't inspire confidence in others
If he's a reporter, everything you say can be used against you.
When monsters are involved, its never just one dead body. One way or another the dead seem to multiply.
Don't volunteer for slugfests with vampires. lt shortens your life expectancy.
Don't fall in love with a werewolf. It interferes with your work.
Killing I understand. Relationships confuse me.
Most people will accept a likely lie to an unlikely truth. In fact, they prefer it.
Never put stuffed animals in the bathtub to remove blood stains... dry cleaning works much better!!
Vampires over 200 years old are often perverts.
You can't save everybody. In fact, there are days when i think that you can't save anyone. Each person has to save himself/herself first, then you can move in and help. I have found that this philosophy doesn't work in a knife fight or gun battle either, outside of that is works just fine.
A two-handed stance is not meant to be maintained indefinitely. Your hands start to waver a bit.
Fear will keep you alive; indifference won't.
A necromancer's power will flare when he/she feels threatened (not unlike that of a vampire/were-being).
Moral high ground is dandy... but it'll get you killed.
No one can embarrass you unless you let them.
Lust may die easy, but love doesn't. True love is a much harder beast to kill.
Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes its just another way to bleed.
A gun out in plain sight attracts attention, but most people leave you alone. It makes chases very convenient.
Physical therapy is a wonderful thing.
Turnabout is fair play. Payback is a bitch.
Breathing through your mouth doesn't help, your nose has a memory.
It's hard to find formal evening wear that will conceal a gun.
Love isn't always enough, Romeo and Juliet would have been divorced within a year.
It's hard to look authoritative staring into someone's chest.
A necromancer can't catch Lycanthropy.
A Lycanthrope can't catch vampirism.
A vampire can't catch Lycanthropy.
Lycanthropy is a disease not a curse.
Women have more chemicals in our tear ducts. It makes us tear up easier than men. Honest.
Humans almost never look up. Millions of years of evolution has conditioned us to ignore the sky.
If you're going to die, at least die brave. It pisses your enemies off.
If you are a dominate in a werewolf pack don't make idle threats at lower pack members.
Even a dead lycanthrope can be a major pain in the butt.
Lycanthropes are way too touchy-feely.
Necromancers are not all evil.
Crooked cops are a pain in the ass.
Vampires that can rot at will are no fun to play with.
If the really old Vampires come to town you know something bad is going to happen.
It takes the same amount of time after death for the soul to leave the body as it takes to raise as a vampire, coincidence?
Don't f**k with the Vampire Council.
If a vampire lies to itself it can not tell when those around it are lying.
If you have to work with a serial killer and are his type be afraid.
If he falls in love with you be more afraid.
Long hair can hide a large weapon.
Even the coldest heart can melt a little.
Not all soul mates are lovers, or even should be.
If it sucks blood its a vampire. Everything else is just semantics.
Pure power has many uses.
Breath does not equal life.
Nor do brain waves.
Monotheists have a hard time with self-proclaimed godhood.
Something can be pretty and still trying to kill you.
You cannot be too careful.
COMMENTS
-