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Tomorrow is the day you died. Am i up for it? Im sure everyone's lost someone.... But i was so close to you... Im living with mum now, huh.... Never was a mother's child. Me and her argue more times then i can count. But im sure you already know that... Every Monday at 3 in the morning, i smell your cologne... why is that? Do you hear me when i talk to you from my window? Am i truly a child crying over you? Im sorry that i didnt cry as much as my little sister did... I guess i still need to work on expressing my feelings.... you always said that.... But who'd understand? No one, of course. I hear "I know how you feel" All the time... But how do they know how i feel? They could never. Know how i feel. I feel agony. Pure, bloodcurdling agony. And for what? What did i honestly do to make you leave and torchure me? Im sorry that i cut myself.... Im sorry that i blamed you for it.... Im sorry that i cant even remember the last time i saw you... I didnt mean to make you upset.... I should've never cut myself.... Never have smoke that one time, because i thought it'd be cool..... I stopped doing it.... Never touched a razor or a smoke in three years.... Im not doing so well in school.... i cant even skip school tomorrow to go to your grave because i missed so much school..... I have maybe 3 A's.... if that.... I have 3 F's.... maybe a D, and a C. Where's that gonna get me? I hate my high school.... Did i tell you that im writing my own book? Yup. I plan on publishing it soon. Its a good 36 chapters.... Im crying right now... I didnt want to tell you that im doing so terribly... Id bet that you're truly disappointed.... I just wish for a hug.... Do you know that i havent had a real hug since you died? Let alone a kiss. I long for a hug.... But i know that i dont deserve one... Goddess, i miss you father..... I love you, Rest In Peace....

Ever wonder why you never feel completely happy? Like every single day theres always something wrong with you?



For me, its the same. Its not one day that i can feel completely pain-free. Let it be pain by something small, like a cramped neck, or a bad case of the nibbles.

Somedays, i feel like complete crap, and always have somethign wrong with me... Do you?

COMMENTS

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leapdude
22:05 Oct 05 2011

sure...everyone has those days.



but then you see that special someone who knows how to make you smile, and the world is all better..... or so I'm told !!

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Anonymous17
02:11 Oct 07 2011

Ahah! Yes, ive heard that before.... How badly i wish for that feeling!

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