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That... that.. words escape me when trying to decribe the increadible amount of hatred sweeping over me.. Seething to the point my strength ebbs and flows to and fro. Always uncontrollable when im needing to be calmest... like a pond deep in the hills. Tranquil, and serene... with a fucking pillar of fire exploding out of the center into the sky like an upside down waterfall.



It wasnt his fault, I tell myself. He didnt know I felt the way I did about her. How could he know? I'd lied and said we were cool, when in fact, SHE was cool, and I was... well, I was something less than... err no, more than. Yes, more. To be precise, I was steaming heh. Like a freshly lain pile of ~grins~



'Just look at this website, man. Theres all these hot ladies from the area you're moving back to.' And me 'Yeah, they're corn fed up there for sure'



~laughs~



'Nah, man. This one right heres pretty nice!'



~peers at his object of adoration and freezes~



I froze of course. For there was the woman who'd... changed me.. I still dont know how to explain the way she moulded me all those years back. Nor can I decipher what the fuck these bloody feelings bubbling to the surface now, all these years later, really mean. My damnable defenses are crumbling and I think I may end up crying like a little kid. Rocking there, arms wrapped around my legs for support while I let loose the tears. So calm. So proud, and falsly resilient!



Even now as the memories and emotions return, I cant help but to smile at how powerful she is. Of course she gives no thought to her affect on me. Why would she? I cheated on her!



There, I fucking bloody well said it. Like I've said it to anyone who'd listen in the past. Already im growing more distant with each letter typed. That little child is about to wail!



Get the fuck over it you melodramatic piece of shit. You deserve it!



~nods as he start to rock back and forth, memories rushing up to take over consiousness...~